12 mea e manaʻomia e le tagata faʻafeiloaʻi le fiafia

“Being an introvert, I often experienced severe discomfort,” says Jen Granneman, author of a book on introverts and creator of a large online community for introverts and highly sensitive people. “I wanted to be like my extroverted friends, because they had no problem talking to strangers, they were not as tired of communication and of life in general as I was.”

Later, immersed in the study of this topic, she realized that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. “After all, introversion is in our DNA from birth, and our brains work a little differently than extroverts. Our minds process impressions deeply, we are more receptive to the neurotransmitters of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, and we don’t get the same nourishment from social interaction that extroverts do.”

Because of these characteristics, such people may need different conditions to experience happiness than extroverts. Below are 12 such conditions according to Jen Granneman.

1. Timeouts for Impression Processing

After noisy parties and other events, introverts need a break to recharge their batteries. Because of their deep processing of ideas and events, a busy day at work, shopping in a crowded mall, or a heated discussion can easily lead to exhaustion.

Therefore, it is so important to give yourself time to relax, «digest» impressions and reduce the level of stimulation to a more comfortable and stable one. Otherwise, it will seem that the brain is already “dead”, irritability, physical fatigue, or even malaise will appear.

2. Meaningful conversation

“How was your weekend?”, “What’s new?”, “How do you like the menu?”… Immersed in themselves, quiet people are perfectly able to conduct light small talk, but this does not mean that they love this format of communication. There are many more important and interesting questions that they would be happy to discuss: “What new have you learned lately?”, “How are you today different from what you were yesterday?”, “Do you believe in God?”.

Not every conversation needs to be deep and meaningful. Sometimes simple questions about how the holidays went and whether you liked the corporate party are also important for introverts. But if they are «fed» only with superficial small talk, they feel hungry without deep, meaningful communication.

3. Friendly silence

It may seem that this point contradicts the previous one, but they need a comfortable friendly silence. For them, people are valuable with whom you can spend hours in the same room, each doing their own thing and not talking, if there is no mood to chat. They appreciate those who will not nervously figure out how to fill the pause, which is sometimes needed to streamline their thoughts.

4. Opportunity to immerse yourself in hobbies and interests

Gothic novels, Celtic mythology, vintage car restoration. Gardening, knitting, drawing, cooking or calligraphy. If an introvert is interested in something, he can go there with his head. This opportunity to focus on hobbies and interests is energizing.

Absorbed by their favorite pastime, such people enter the state of «flow» — they are completely immersed in the activity and enjoy the process. The state of flow for many of them occurs naturally and gives a feeling of happiness.

5. Quiet refuge

An introvert, like no one else, needs a quiet, calm place that belongs only to him. There you can hide for a while when the world seems too loud. Ideally, this is a room that a person can equip and decorate in his own way. Being in solitude without fear of intrusion is an opportunity that for him is akin to spiritual practice.

6. Time for reflection

According to Dr. Marty Olsen Laney, author of The Invincible Introvert, people with this trait may rely more on long-term memory than on short-term memory — by the way, the opposite is true for extroverts. This may explain why introverts so often try to put their thoughts into words.

They often need extra effort and time to think before answering, much longer than extroverts ponder serious problems. Without this time to process and reflect, introverts experience stress.

7. Ability to stay at home

Introverts need pauses in socialization: communication requires careful dosage. This means that the ability to refuse to go out “in public” is important, as well as the understanding of such a need on the part of a partner, family members and friends. Understanding that excludes pressure and guilt.

8. Significant purpose in life and work

Everyone needs to pay bills and go shopping, and for many it is income that becomes an incentive to go to work. There are people who are happy with it. However, for many introverts this is not enough — they are ready to work with dedication, but only if there is interest and meaning in the activity. They need more than just working for a paycheck.

Without meaning and purpose in life — be it work or something else — they will feel deeply unhappy.

9. Permission to remain silent

Sometimes introverts just don’t have the energy to interact with others. Or they turn inward, analyzing events and impressions. Demands to «not be so quiet» and nudges to talk make these people uncomfortable. “Let us be silent — this is what we need for happiness,” the author addresses extroverts. “After the time required to process the information and recharge, we will most likely return to you to keep the conversation going.”

10. Tutoʻatasi

Original and highly independent, introverts tend to let their own inner resources guide them rather than follow the crowd. They work more efficiently and feel happier when they have freedom. They like to be independent and independent and do their own thing.

11. Simple life

Jen Granneman describes the busy life of her extroverted friend—he volunteers at the school, takes care of his family, organizes social gatherings, all in addition to his day job. “As an introvert, I would never survive in such a schedule,” she comments, “a different life suits me better: a good book, lazy weekends, meaningful conversation with a friend – that’s what makes me happy.”

12. Love and acceptance from loved ones

An introvert will never be the most popular person in the room. In a large group of people, he may not even be noticed, as he tends to remain in the background. However, like everyone else, introverts need close and loving people — those who see their value, care for and accept them with all their quirks.

“We know that sometimes it is difficult with us — no one is perfect. When you love and accept us for who we are, you make our lives so much happier,” concludes Jen Granneman.

About the Author: Jen Granneman is the author of The Secret Lives of Introverts.