“My main dreams and desires are coming true. Probably thanks to the stars, character and determination,” admits Elizaveta Boyarskaya, actress and ambassador of the TOUS jewelry brand. A girl from a good family, wife of the main handsome man of Russian cinema Maxim Matveev, mother of two sons. Life, which to many will seem ideal — what is it really like?
We have known each other for many years. We meet at work. But I would like to be friends with her. There was never any coquetry or cunning in Lisa. I know that she will not let you down, will not deceive. Somehow we agreed to make material for the release of a detective series. The premiere dragged on. And suddenly, unexpectedly, the project got into the «grid», and Lisa was about to give birth to her second child. She had absolutely no time for meetings, but she kept her word. In response to my surprise and gratitude, she smiled: “Well, what are you, we agreed!”
Psychologies: Liza, do you think a person changes with age?
Elizaveta Boyarskaya: For example, I have changed a lot. My youth was fearless, ambitious. When I entered the theater at 16, I was sure that I would pass. And not because I’m Boyarsky’s daughter, but I just knew: I’m cool, if I want, then it will be so. Now I would be overcome by doubts, with age, cockroaches crawl out. In youth, it is much easier to jump with a parachute, scuba dive … I noticed that after the appearance of children, many acquaintances began to be afraid to fly … Hyper-responsibility, fears … When my eldest son Andryusha was born, I began to have nightmares: what will happen? I imagined some horrors about the school, how he would be pursued by hooligans. I was worried about the huge list of possible troubles. When I went to work, I started to panic.
Over time, I was able to get rid of these fears on my own. But there were situations in my life when I turned to the help of a psychologist. And they helped me unravel various knots. For example, I had such problems — I could not say «no» and suffered from this. I was afraid to offend the person. She also didn’t know how to make her own decisions. I lived in the family of my parents for a long time and got used to the role of a daughter, and not the head of the family — wife, mother. The moment of transition was difficult. When we moved to Moscow, the world turned upside down. I realized that I am responsible for absolutely everything: kindergarten, home, our internal agreements with Maxim regarding circles, time allocation, joint recreation. Not right away, but I got hooked. A clear plan is my element. I love it when life is in full swing.
I fall asleep for a painfully long time, scrolling through various thoughts. Never learned to relax
Now I like to organize it — for myself and for the children. But at the moment when I encountered this for the first time, I realized that no one would do anything for me, I had to go to the store myself, every day decide what we had for dinner. Those mothers who prepare girls for marriage are right, and not those whose daughters lie on a feather bed, as I lay. I was never asked to help clean, iron, wash, my mother did everything herself. And when I suddenly plunged into family life, for me it turned out to be a terrible stress. I had to learn everything from scratch. And Maxim was very supportive and encouraged me in this: “You are doing everything right. You’re doing fine!»
How is your relationship with him? Do you have segregation of duties? Washing dishes, for example, on you?
Here you are wrong. As a child, Maxim had the duty to wash the dishes, and for him it is not difficult. And if we talk about relations in general, we have them as partners. Maxim can cook, put the children to bed, do laundry, iron, and go grocery shopping. And I can do the same. Who is free, he is busy at home. Maxim is now filming in Moscow, and I am with the children in St. Petersburg, on duty. I tell him: «Mind your own business, I take care of everything.»
Maybe that’s why you had the sleep problems you talked about?
I really painfully long fall asleep, scroll through different thoughts. I still haven’t learned to relax. The habit of being in good shape all the time is stronger. This takes time. Although it happened during the pandemic, and I felt like a very happy person. There was a lot of free time, I spent it on what I wanted, and not on what I had to do. And it turned out that I want to dig in the beds, grow strawberries, communicate with children, with friends, read books, talk with my husband, watch a good movie. When I don’t have a long vacation, but just one long-awaited day off, I am at home and sometimes I don’t even feel very good. If I don’t have a plan, I turn into a limp mass of lead. But if the day off is scheduled, everything will be fine.
Do you find time for yourself? Are women’s joys such as beauty salons organically woven into your life?
I’m trying to weave them in. You know, I caught myself thinking that even if I find time and come for an hour and a half massage, I stop thinking about 15 minutes before it ends. And before that, thoughts swarm: you need to do this, that. I thought about everything, and once — a pleasant emptiness in my head. Rare moment! The only thing that immediately relaxes me is nature. The sea, the forest, the field instantly weather the tension. And also communication with her husband. Sometimes I take the bull by the horns and say to Maxim: “We are good parents, but we must spend time together,” and I drag him to the cinema, to the theater, to a restaurant or for a walk. It fills and inspires us a lot.
Your children are very similar in appearance, but different in character — the youngest, Grisha, a calm good-natured man, Andryusha is mobile, reflective, sensitive. Do they need different approaches?
Maxim and I do everything intuitively. I read different books on education, but it didn’t work out so that I completely liked one system, everywhere there are advantages and disadvantages. In general, I want naturalness, goodwill and simplicity as much as possible. No textbooks or rules. Here Grisha ate half a plate at the table, then he got carried away with some kind of typewriter on the floor, it’s not at all difficult for me to finish feeding him while he plays.
I think we should live with our hearts and be friends with children. We try to make sure that the boys do not feel that there is an insurmountable boundary between us and we will never understand what they are thinking, and they will never understand us. So I tell them about work, share what torments me. I’m trying to get into their games. I never laugh at things that bother Andrei. They may be naive, but they seem serious to him. He recently liked a girl, and I asked her what she looked like, and he replied: “Beautiful!” And I advised her to give her something or do something nice. He, thank God, tells everything. Shares, for example, if there is some difficult story with the teacher.
The eldest son had questions about sex education, and we bought a very good book
If Andrei brings home a bad word, I will never tell him: “Are you crazy?” I don’t want him to be afraid to discuss something with us. At some point, he had questions about sex education, and we bought a very good book. Andryusha did not have comments like «oh» and «wow». He read, took note and went on to play football with friends. And I understand: this is a consequence of the fact that we communicate very calmly. With us, he feels protected, and this is the most important thing.
Many years ago, you said: it would be nice if we had family traditions — joint dinners or Sunday lunches. How are things going with this?
Years passed, and the traditions did not appear. (Laughs) I’m not sure if it’s a tradition to separate garbage collection, but this is our new reality and an important moment in raising children. Because you can only teach by personal example. We lived in an apartment in St. Petersburg for a year and realized that our small family accumulates an impressive amount of waste in one day, and How long in a week, in a month! Now we sort recyclables, call ecotaxi twice a month. There are containers in the hallway, I asked my friends for them as a birthday present. Andryusha gladly joined the story with a separate collection.
I am convinced that this should be taught from childhood so that the approach becomes natural. In addition to sorting garbage, you need to make a habit of taking your shoppers to the store so as not to use plastic bags. I always have a shopper in my bag. And you can take your own thermos mug to the coffee shop, but this is already a more difficult habit. I haven’t beaten her yet. I take coffee in a disposable cup, however, then I put the lid in my bag and at the end of the day I bring it home, to the appropriate container with plastic.
Maxim once told me in an interview about one of his first childhood memories: he ran after the bus on which his father left forever. Maxim grew up in an incomplete family and decided that he would always be with his children. What kind of dad did he turn out to be?
Maxim is an amazing father. I would say perfect. He provides for his family, cooks well, does the housework easily and deftly if necessary, plays with children, bathes, reads, plays sports with them, teaches you to be sensitive and attentive to women, Maxim is handy, he does a lot of housework, maybe that — fix it. He connects Andryusha to this: “Bring a screwdriver, we will fix it!” If Grisha’s toy breaks, he also carries it to his dad and says: «Batteries.» Grisha knows that dad can do anything.
For the eldest son, Maxim is an indisputable authority. Andryusha obeys him always and in everything, and me — every other time, because sometimes I give up. But dad — no, he has a short conversation. Maxim is loyal, kind, but strict. Like a boy, like a man, he talks to children. And it’s wonderful! Now there are so many infantile young people who are used to having their parents do everything for them. They do not take responsibility. And Maxim first of all instills responsibility in children. And he always emphasizes that personal achievements are important — in sports, in studies, in working on oneself.
Maxim is seriously engaged in his health, observes a five-time diet. Have you made any progress on the path of self-care and self-love?
I’m not as correct as my husband. But I try not to eat fast food and have not smoked for ten years. Sleep is better than before, I sleep six hours, not four. In general, for a long time I lived like this: there is a job that I give myself to, there is a family, children, but I forgot about what I have. And when you do not leave space for yourself, it negatively affects all areas of life. After all, one must not only give, but also receive — through sports, sleep, meetings with friends, movies, books. Energy needs to be replenished. Some time after the birth of Andryusha, I realized that I was very annoyed, it was hard for me. I remember we met with a friend, and she said that I was very tired. She listened to a story about how I live, and said: “Mother, tie it up.” From her, I first heard that you need to make time for yourself, your beloved. I didn’t think about it before. And then I discovered that even going for a manicure gives me energy. I return home and play with children with pleasure, I smile. So all these women’s trifles are not trifles at all, but a necessary thing.