Manipulators, narcissists, sociopaths: faʻafefea ona latou faʻafefeina i tatou?

Recently, we are increasingly reading the stories of our stars about ex-husbands who mocked them, humiliated and beaten them. This begs the question: how could a successful and beautiful woman choose such a person as a partner? Why did not notice his inclinations?

Probably, ex-husbands have qualities that psychologists refer to the «dark triad» — narcissism, Machiavellianism (the tendency to manipulate others) and psychopathy. Recent research sheds light on why it is precisely these qualities, despite their destructive nature, that make their possessors attractive.

Nicholas Holtzman and Michael Strube from the University of Washington (USA)¹ searched for a link between physical attractiveness and propensity for narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. They invited 111 students to the laboratory. First, they were photographed, and then they were asked to change their clothes to pre-prepared ones — as simple and neutral as possible.

Women were also asked to wash off all make-up, jewelry, and keep their hair in a ponytail. Then they were photographed again in a new image. Holtzman and Strube showed the captured footage to a group of strangers, asking them to rate them in terms of physical attractiveness. They wanted to understand which of the students managed to make themselves irresistible with the help of clothes, cosmetics and accessories.

The researchers then made a psychological portrait of the participants, and also interviewed their acquaintances and friends by phone and e-mail. By adding together their own grade and other people’s grades, they came up with a profile of each student.

Some of them showed the classic characteristics of the «black triad»: low empathy, a tendency to violate boundaries and use others to achieve their goal, the desire for status and prestige. It turned out that these people were considered the most attractive by strangers.

It was curious that the gap between the ratings of their before and after photos was the maximum. That is, covert narcissists and manipulators did not outperform others in attractiveness when they were wearing plain T-shirts and sweatpants. So, the point is that they are better able to present themselves. This data is consistent with the results of previous studies: narcissists are more charming than others at first glance — literally.

Scientists suggest that two features are combined here: the developed social “intelligence” of manipulators and our own perceptual errors. Narcissists seem charming to us due to their ability to impress: they look spectacular, smile a lot, skillfully use body language. We can say that they are masters of self-presentation. They know very well how to get attention and arouse interest in themselves.

A person’s physical attractiveness is often associated with a range of other positive qualities, a phenomenon known as the «halo effect.» When someone seems beautiful and charming to us, we automatically assume that they are kind, smart, and confident. This, in particular, helps manipulators ingratiate themselves with their victims, occupy leadership positions and find loyal supporters.

Narcissists and sociopaths do not understand the essence of the relationship, so they put a lot of effort into creating a spectacular image. And this is reassuring: the effect of the first impression does not last forever. The dust they throw in their eyes will sooner or later subside. The spell will break. Unfortunately, often partners and friends become so attached to them that they do not find the strength to break off relations.

But often, intuition catches something that is dissonant with the ideal picture in our head: a cold look, a quick change in tone, undisguised flattery … Listen to your feelings: if they give alarm signals, perhaps you should stay away from this person.

¹ Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2013, vol. 4, № 4.