O le a le mea e muamua mo i tatou? O le tali i lenei fesili e faamamā ai o tatou mafaufau, faafaigofie la tatou faasologa, ma faasaoina le taimi ma le malosi. E maua ai le avanoa e faia ai le mea e sili ona tāua iā i tatou.
Tatiana e 38 tausaga le matua. E iai lona to’alua, e to’alua lana fanau ma se masaniga manino mai le uati o le taeao e o’o i lesona o le afiafi. “E leai se mea ou te faitio ai,” o lana fesili lea, “ae e masani ona ou lagona le vaivai, ita ma le gaogao. E foliga mai o loo i ai se mea taua o loo misi, ae ou te le malamalama po o le a.”
Many men and women live against their will on autopilot, set up and programmed for them by others. Sometimes it’s because they said «no» to themselves, but more often than not it’s because they didn’t dare to say «yes».
Our personal life is no exception: over time, what we entered into a relationship for is overwritten by everyday life — everyday tasks and minor conflicts, so we are faced with the need to change something in relations with our loved ones. If we do not do this and continue to move “on the thumb”, then we lose strength and interest in life. Over time, this condition can turn into depression.
Le taimi e avea ai ma se amateur
“Clients with a similar problem come to me more and more often,” says medical psychologist Sergey Malyukov. — And then, for starters, I propose to decide: what really pleases you? Then find out how this feeling appears, why at this moment. Maybe this is the realization of some of your quality or trait. And they just can be the thread that will return the taste of life. It would be nice to remember yourself in those periods when everything was in order, and to understand what activities, what relationships occupied most of my life. Ask yourself why it was important.»
E mafai ona e alu i le auala faafeagai: tuuese na gaoioiga ma mafutaga e mafua ai le atuatuvale, le fiafia, le fiafia, ma taumafai e saili po o le a le mea o loʻo i ai. Ae o lenei auala, e tusa ai ma le psychologist, e sili atu ona faigata.
Na liliu Tatiana i se psychotherapist, ma sa ia valaaulia o ia e manatua le mea sa ia fiafia i ai i le tamaitiiti. “I le taimi muamua, e leai se mea na oo mai i loʻu mafaufau, ae na ou iloaina: Na ou alu i le faletusi! Sa ou fiafia e tusi, ae sa le lava le taimi, sa ou lafoaia lenei gaoioiga ma galo atoa ai. Ina ua uma le talanoaga, sa ia filifili e toe faaauau. I le mauaina o se taimi mo se aoga faatufugaga mo tagata matutua, ua ofo Tatiana i le malamalama o lenei taimi uma ua leai sona fatufatuaʻi.
Pe a tatou iloa lelei tulafono ma tulafono faatonutonu ma faagaoioia i le autopilot, tatou te leiloa lo tatou lagona fou, ofo, ma le fiafia.
O nisi taimi tatou te le amanaiaina o tatou manaoga mo le tele o tausaga. O mea e fiafia i ai i nisi taimi e foliga faatauvaa pe a faatusatusa i galuega po o tiute faaleaiga. E iai isi māfuaaga tatou te faagalo ai gaoioiga sa tāua iā i tatou.
“They cease to please when they become a routine and the original idea is blurred, for the sake of which we started doing this at all,” explains Sergey Malyukov. — If we talk about a hobby or work, then this can be when we are pressured by too many ideas about how to do it right. For example, ideas that you need to achieve certain success by a certain date, use specific techniques, compare yourself with others. Such «external» installations over time obscure the essence of our business.
O le tele o tomai fa'apolofesa e mafai fo'i ona o'o atu ai i lenei fa'ai'uga: pe a tatou iloa lelei tulafono ma fa'atonuga ma fa'atino i le autopilot, tatou te le maua le lagona o le fou, ofo ma le fiafia. O fea e sau ai le fiafia ma le fiafia? O le auala e alu ese ai o le aʻoaʻoina lea o mea fou, taumafai e fai se mea ese pe i se isi auala. Manatua le uiga o le avea ma se amateur. Ma faataga oe e toe sese.
E le o mea uma e pulea
“Ou te le iloa le mea ou te manao i ai, ou te le lagona e lelei mo au” … O se tulaga faapena e mafai ona avea ma taunuuga o le matua vaivai, vaivai. Ona tatou manaʻomia lea o se malologa mafaufau loloto ma atoatoa. Ae o nisi taimi o le le iloa o au mea e ave i ai le faamuamua o le mea moni lava o le teenaina, i tua o loo taoto ai se fefe le iloa i le toilalo. O ona aʻa e toe foʻi i tua i le laʻitiiti, ina ua manaʻomia e matua faʻamalosi se fofo faʻanatinati i galuega faʻatulagaina mo le lima pito i luga.
E na o le pau lava le auala e mafai ai ona tetee atu i uiga lē fetuutuunaʻi o mātua, o le filifiliga e aua neʻi filifili ma lē filifili. E le gata i lea, e ala i le mumusu e faʻamamafa, matou te faʻatumauina le faʻasesega o le pule aoao ma le pulea o le tulaga. Afai tatou te le filifili, ona tatou le oo lea i le faatoilaloina.
E tatau ona tatou amanaʻia la tatou aiā e faia ai mea sesē ma lē lelei atoatoa. Ona le toe avea ai lea o le toilalo ma se faailoga taufaafefe o le toilalo.
But such unawareness is associated with being stuck in the complex of the eternal youth (puer aeternus) and is fraught with a stop on the path of personal development. As Jung wrote, if we are not aware of the inner content of our psyche, it begins to influence us from the outside and becomes our destiny. In other words, life will again and again “toss” us with repetitive situations that require the ability to choose — until we take responsibility for it.
Ina ia tupu lenei mea, e tatau ona tatou amanaʻia la tatou aiā e sesē ma lē lelei atoatoa. Ona le toe avea ai lea o le toilalo ma se faailoga taufaafefe o le toilalo ma o le a avea na o se vaega o le gaioiga i luga o le ala ua filifilia mo i tatou e le o le sosaiete, e le o ona po nei, ma e le o ni mea vavalalata, ae na oi tatou lava.
"E mafai ona tatou iloa po o le a le mea e sili ona taua ia i tatou e ala i le siakiina o le tele o gaioiga o loʻo faʻafaigaluegaina i lenei poʻo lena gaioiga e maua ai le malosi ma punaoa," o le tala lea a Elena Arie, suʻesuʻega suʻesuʻe suʻesuʻe. "Ma o le mea mulimuli, i le isi itu, e mafai ai ona e faʻaogaina atili le popole, maasiasi, taʻusalaina ma isi lagona e faʻalavelave ai le faʻamoemoe i le ausiaina o sini." O le iloaina o le mea e tāua mo i tatou, o le a tatou malamalama ai po o le ā lo tatou malosi.