Mataupu
Lilou is a very smiling and naughty little girl, showing a certain confidence. She is talkative and wants to explain everything herself. His mom still manages to get the upper hand to explain to me that Lilou tells a lot of stories and that she likes to tell lies.
Sensitive and creative children sometimes need to use their creativity to make up stories for themselves, especially if they feel marginalized in class or at home. Thus, by giving them a special time, by reassuring them of the attention and love we have for them, and by helping them to develop their creativity in a different way, children can find their way back to greater authenticity.
The session with Lilou, led by Anne-Benattar, psycho-body therapist
Anne-Laure Benattar: So Lilou, can you tell me what happens when you tell stories?
Lilou: I tell about my day and when mom doesn’t listen to me, then I make up a story and then she listens to me. I also do this with my friends and my mistress, and then everyone gets angry!
A.-LB: Oh I see. Do you want to play a game with me? We could “DO AS IF” you were telling real stories and everyone was listening to you. What do you think ?
Lilou: Yes, great! So I say that today at school, I was scolded because I wanted to tell that my grandmother was sick … and then, I learned things, and then I
played in the playground …
A.-LB: How do you feel telling me real things?
Lilou: I feel good, but you listen to me, so it’s easier! The others don’t listen to me! Besides, it’s not very funny this story!
A.-LB: I listen to you because I feel that you are telling me things that you have really experienced. In general, friends, parents and mistresses don’t listen too much if things are said that are not true. So you are listened to less and less.
The key is to be true, and also to let each and everyone speak in turn.
Lilou: Ah yes, it’s true that I don’t really like when others talk, I prefer to tell, that’s why I tell interesting things, like that, they let me speak before others.
A.-LB: Have you ever tried to let others talk, wait a bit and take your turn? Or tell your mom or dad that you need them to listen to you more?
Lilou: When I let others speak, I fear that there is no more time for me, like at home. My parents are too busy, so I do everything to make them listen to me!
A.-LB: You could try asking them for a moment, for example during a meal, or just before sleeping to talk to your mom or dad. If you tell real or true things, it will be easier to build a bond of trust with them. You can also invent funny stories for your blanket or your dolls, and keep the real stories for adults and your friends.
Lilou: Okay I will try. You can also tell mom and dad please, that I want them to talk to me more and I promise I’ll stop saying nonsense!
Why do children tell lies? The decryption of Anne-Laure Benattar
PNL game: “Acting as if ”the problem was already solved is one way to check what it would do if necessary. It allows you to realize that it feels good to tell the truth and to be encouraged to do so.
Create moments of attention: Understand the child and his needs, create moments of sharing and special attention so that he does not need to multiply the stratagems to draw attention to him if this is the problem.
togafiti : One symptom sometimes hides another. It is important to verify what is the need behind a problem… Need for love? Attention or time? Or just need to have fun and develop your creativity? Or shed light on the family unspoken feelings felt by the child? Providing answers to the needs thus identified through a hug, time for sharing, a game, a creative workshop, a two-person walk, or just deep listening, makes it possible to transform the problem into a solution.
* E maua e Anne-Laure Benattar tamaiti, talavou ma tagata matutua i lana faʻataʻitaʻiga "L'Espace Thérapie Zen". www.therapie-zen.fr