Isolation with your loved one — what could be more pleasant? It’s time to get to know each other better. How to diversify sexual leisure in quarantine, keep desire and observe safety precautions in bed, without neglecting the rules of self-isolation?
For sex and arousal, context is extremely important: what is happening to you at the moment. “When you tie your child’s shoes and your partner slaps you in the soft spot, it’s annoying. And if he spanks you while you are making love, you perceive it as a very sexual gesture,” writes Emily Nagoski in the book How a Woman Wants.
The inconsistency between context and state is usually noticeable. For example, if you come to a children’s party and see a woman frankly dressed, brightly made up and flirting with dads, you may feel annoyed because the context (children’s holiday) and the behavior model, the state of a particular person do not match.
Forced isolation certainly affects the context, and our sexual relationships can suffer from it. If earlier we «lived» several different lives in one day — a parent, spouse, employee, lover — now we are constantly in the same situation.
It is very difficult, spending the whole day in leggings and with a bun on your head, to become a passionate tigress by the evening! How do we «turn on» the inner Monica Bellucci?
Acting in context
“In order to successfully switch between states, it is important to remember the context. Train yourself to change modes: “I am a parent”, “I am a lover”, “I am a spouse”, “I am a leader”, “I am an employee,” says sexologist Maria Shelkova.
In the current conditions, it is not easy, but it is worth a try. It may take some effort, but to make it easier, follow the helpful tips. After all, the context is not only a specific situation, but also the environment around you.
“Break up your home space into zones where one thing is allowed, but another is prohibited. For example, you can have serious or everyday conversations with your husband in the kitchen or in the office area, but in no case should you transfer them to bed. If you follow this rule, the marital bed will become for you a zone of relaxation and enjoyment. And this will help to consolidate the role of a mistress — when you are in the bedroom, ”says the expert.
Bedroom safety
The rules of contraception remain the same as before quarantine, but they must be adhered to even more strictly, Maria Shelkova believes.
“Having caught some unpleasant disease, you will immediately plant immunity. And if suddenly during quarantine you met a new partner (for example, on the Internet or an online application), ask him to take a coronavirus test. This is normal, you will be calmer this way, ”the expert warns.
And calmness and confidence will definitely help you relax and have fun.
Do not neglect the safety rules even if you have found your other half for a long time. It may sound funny, but remember: WHO recommends frequent wet cleaning and airing the room.
“Think about disinfecting the room with quartz lamps,” the psychologist advises. This will definitely not kill romance, unlike harmful viruses and bacteria. In addition, a husband who picks up a mop can awaken many new desires in you.
Time to try something new
Let’s say you and your partner are equally engrossed in the idea of taking a forced vacation in bed. And right now is the time to try something that you have not dared to do before. Maria Shelkova is sure: today you can afford everything, well, or almost everything. The main thing is to observe safety precautions and agree on what is permitted on the shore.
Maria Shelkova offers several life hacks for those who want to survive isolation with a twinkle:
- Now the virtual reality industry is actively developing. You can order a VR helmet at home and use it to explore «adult» content, living an experience that you would not have dared in real life. In virtual reality, this is possible, no one will judge — it’s just a game, and for many it will be a bright emotional discovery. You can order two helmets and have fun with a partner.
- You can try role playing. The entire wardrobe is at your disposal — change the looks at your pleasure.
- Order online sex shop toys that have long attracted your attention. There is usually a description and tips for beginners. They can be used separately, and for additional stimulation during sex with a partner.
- A blindfolded sexual experience will enhance tactile sensations: they will become brighter many times over.
- Finally, for the sake of interest, you can try light practices from the BDSM culture. The most important thing is to remember safety. No hard blows: avoid places where the bone is close to the skin; you can spank only where there are large muscles. No tight binding — only wide belts and ribbons. To practice it seriously, you need to undergo special training. Taking care of your partner and following the rules in BDSM is the most important thing.
Ou te le manao i se mea!
It may also happen that we responsibly approached isolation: we tuned in to the positive, bought toys and contraceptives — but there is no desire … We gnaw at ourselves: is a forced vacation going down the drain? Having fallen into a panic, trying to do everything “correctly” (after all, it’s a great chance, we’re not in a hurry anyway), we start to bother our partner or ourselves.
“We bought toys — let them lie! The dollar has grown, so the purchase is profitable, let it warm the soul. But forcing ourselves to have sex is the most harmful thing we can do for libido. There should be no violence against yourself and others in an intimate way! Yes, sometimes the appetite comes with eating, but it’s definitely not about fighting with yourself and imposing your desires on loved ones, ”says the expert.
What should we do if right now, when, it would seem, is the time for a love marathon, we don’t feel like African passions at all?
“In a stressful situation, care and a sense of security are important. There are many ways to take care of yourself and others without coitus,” reminds Maria Shelkova.
We can simply stroke our loved one, scratch behind his ear, cuddle under a blanket, picking up our favorite books. Dance to «the same lingerie.» And whether penetration or not, is not so important. “When we give ourselves the freedom to want sex, we must give our partner the freedom not to want sex, and vice versa. Otherwise, our own freedom is worth nothing,” Maria Shelkova is sure.