Mataupu
Tank, plane, helicopter … My child likes to play the soldier with his war toys
Between 2 and 3 years, after the opposition phase, materialized by “no!” »Repetitive, the child begins to show interest in weapons and war toys. Until then powerless before the adult he considered a giant endowed with the power of life and death, he finally dares to assert himself, he feels powerful. And warrior games symbolize this seizure of power, mainly among little boys. Another frequent reason: gifts to children are often “gendered”: pistols or swords are more easily offered to a little boy than to a girl. Hence his attraction to games that he perceives as those of his genre …
Through these games, the young boy expresses his impulses of natural aggression. He discovers the power to hurt, but also to protect. It is also the period when he discovers his gender membership : he ranks among men because he has a penis. As symbolic representations of the phallus, sabers and pistols allow the little boy to add to the virility side. And to become the one who protects his mother.
Your role : help your child distinguish between imaginary moments of play and real life situations. It is better, in particular, to forbid them to target vital areas (head, bust) as a “real villain” would do: in the game, if you aim at someone, it is only in the lower legs.
Do not ban toys and military figures to your child
If the young boy releases his aggressiveness through his war toys, he will be less inclined to use his fists in the playground. Besides, if it is not channeled into the game, its aggressive tendency will be present longer, in a latent way: as he grows up, he may maintain a certain cruelty towards the weakest, instead of defending and protecting them. It is therefore sometimes difficult to forbid your child to play with war toys … If he is forbidden to express it, the child can also totally suppress his aggressiveness. He then risks becoming passive. In collectivity, he will not succeed in defending himself and will take on the role of scapegoat. His aggressive impulses have another function: it is thanks to them that the child takes up challenges, enters into competition with others and, later, will pass competitions, gain victories. If they are muzzled very early, the child will grow up fearful of evaluations, of opportunities to compete with others. He won’t have enough self-confidence to take the place he deserves.
Your role : do not refuse games which feature violence because you are afraid that a violent and domineering temperament will flourish in him. Because it is by refusing to see him channel his aggressiveness through play that one takes the risk of unbalancing his personality.
Help his child to overcome his fascination with games with weapons of war
Does he shoot anything that moves? At 3, his way of playing war is simplistic. But between 4 and 6 years old, his games, more scripted, incorporate strict rules. He will then understand, with your help, that gratuitous violence has no meaning and that the use of force is only of interest to defend a just cause, in respect of the laws.
Does he want to face his comrades? There are other terrains than that of physical violence. Through board games or simple riddles, the little boy can show that he is the champion in terms of reaction speed, intelligence, cunning or sense of humor. It’s up to you to make him understand that there are dozens of ways to be the strongest. He only goes out armed? Show her that there are other ways to gain respect. Now is the time to point out to her on a daily basis that when you disagree, you resolve your conflicts by talking. And that it is not necessarily the strongest physically who wins.
Your role : generally, try to understand the reason for his behavior and his fascination. Comment them with him. Give them meaning (a little “morality” doesn’t hurt) and when possible, offer less violent, more positive alternatives.