Love, passion, common interests… We remember them much more often than mutual respect. Meanwhile, it is precisely the lack of respect for each other that prevents the couple from taking the relationship to a qualitatively new level. Family therapists suggest a number of ways to remedy the situation.
Often disrespect for a partner is manifested in small things — so insignificant that we, as a rule, do not notice them. Here are a few simple steps to help you avoid mistakes.
Faʻalogo lelei i lau paaga, mafaufau i le uiga o ana upu ina ia mafai ai ona e malamalama moni i le mea tonu na te manaʻomia, mea e manaʻo ai, ma mea e popole ai o ia.
Fa'aali atu i lau paaga o ona mana'oga, fa'anaunauga ma mea na tutupu e taua ia te oe.
When you are asked for something, try to respond quickly. Do not delay, use every opportunity to demonstrate care.
Aua neʻi galo e le gata e faʻafetai i lau paaga mo gaioiga faʻapitoa, ae ia faʻaaloalo foi ia te ia o se tagata.
Be careful with humor: it can revive a relationship, or it can hurt a partner. Don’t cross the line from playful teasing to hurting your ego.
Faatusatusa lau paaga i isi na o le gauai atu i ana taleni ma malosiaga.
Tele fa'amatalaga loloto patino e uiga i lau paaga e na'o oe e te iloa. Aua ne'i e talanoa atu e uiga ia i latou i tagata ese.
Be a worthy opponent in disputes, but do not get carried away by them. The goal is not to win, but to find a compromise.
Pe a faʻaalia le le fiafia, taumafai e aua le faitioina lau paaga.
Aloese mai le taufaifai.
Faʻaalia au faitioga e uiga i le mafutaga ma le paaga lava ia, aua le faʻasoa i tagata ese i tua o lona tua.
Never show your partner contempt and neglect. In particular, don’t roll your eyes.
Taumafai e aua le tautala ma le le onosai ma le itaitagofie i lau paaga.
Pe afai e faia e lau paaga ni mea sesē pe faia ni filifiliga leaga, ia faaalia le tigā alofa ma le malamalama: “Tatou te faia uma lava mea sesē, ae e tele mea e mafai ona tatou aʻoaʻoina mai i a tatou mea sesē.”
When your partner suggests something, praise him for the abundance of ideas.
Aua le fa'alavelave i lau paga e fai lana lava ala.
Ia aʻoaʻo e feutagaʻi ma le toʻa i so o se eseesega o manatu.
Lagolago i faaiuga e fai e lau paaga i soo se taimi e mafai ai.
Show that you appreciate the partner’s contribution to the overall budget — no matter how large this contribution.
Fa'aali atu lou talisapaia o le sao fa'alelagona a se paaga i lou soifua manuia lautele.
If you make a mistake or make an ill-advised decision, apologize as soon as possible.
Think of all the situations in which you hurt or hurt your partner. Take responsibility for this. Learn from your fights and conflicts and change your behavior so you don’t continue to undermine the building of your relationship.
Ia nofosauni i taimi uma e faamagalo lau paga pe a latou faia ni mea sese pe fai ni faaiuga vave.
Ta'u soo atu i lau paaga lou mitamita ia i latou.
Demonstrate respect for your partner not only alone with him, but also in the presence of others.
Aua le faʻatapulaʻaina oe i manatu o loʻo lisi atu i luga: ua naʻo se lisi autu, e mafai ma e tatau ona faʻaopoopoina. E ala i le mulimuli i nei taʻiala faigofie, o le a le pine ae amata ona e matauina le tele ma le tele o faʻailoga o le faʻatamaoaigaina o lau mafutaga.
About the Authors: Linda and Charlie Bloom are couples therapists who specialize in couples therapy.