Mataupu
A terrible word – treason! Sooner or later, it “sounds” in the lives of 25% of couples who were considered strong. And the researchers believe that this estimate is likely to be greatly underestimated. But betrayal is different. Out of revenge, serial infidelity, and other “inhabitants” of the world of adultery – are they all equally unforgivable?
Often lovers do not know about the adventures of the second half, sometimes they are aware of the games behind their backs, sometimes they are in doubt whether to believe their ears, eyes and intuition. But when we find hard evidence of infidelity, we have to ask ourselves, “Can I forgive someone who betrayed me? And what should I do now, when it hurts unbearably inside and all hopes have collapsed?
Before you decide anything, you should understand what kind of infidelity you are dealing with. Karin and Robert Sternberg, psychologists from Cornell University (USA), are sure that cheating is different. And you will always have time to disperse – especially if there were every reason for this.
Serial cheaters
Such a person is always on the lookout, always looking for adventure. At meetings at the office, on a business trip, at a bar with friends, and even on the way to the store – he will find a way to diversify the routine with a petty affair (or even intrigues).
Sometimes it seems that serial cheaters are practically collectors. Only they do not collect stamps and coins, but hearts. You can threaten them with divorce, punish them by any means, make public scandals – unfortunately, this is unlikely to lead to anything. It is extremely difficult for such people to change their behavior pattern. There are two ways out: get used to the fact that you are not the only one for him, or end the relationship.
Finding such a “specialist” is not easy, but there are still signs that you are being led by the nose. First, serial cheaters keep the answer ready for any of your tricky questions. Only periodically they get confused in the testimony, and yesterday this answer was one (“I walked my mother’s dog!”), And today it is completely different (“I fed our neighbor’s cat!”).
Also, such people are dramatically transformed if an attractive stranger appears in the company: they try to attract attention, demonstrate eloquence and gallantry. And they are often late at work. It’s just that the boss constantly throws up reports when everyone is about to go home.
It often happens that everyone around knows that your partner is walking to the left, and only you are neither sleep nor spirit. If in doubt, ask about your suspicions of his colleagues or acquaintances: perhaps new information will open your eyes.
One night stand lovers
Such cheaters are not prone to long-term relationships on the side, but they will gladly take the opportunity to sleep with someone who is available. Who they met at a party, or drank too much at a corporate party.
These people are not specifically looking for adventure. But when they are given the opportunity to change, they do not really resist and quickly give up under the pressure of the “aggressor”. Such changing partners are not easy to catch on the “hot”. But you should definitely not expect eternal fidelity from them.
Blood for blood
It also happens that treason becomes a real weapon of revenge. In this case, it does not matter whether the one who is unfaithful has feelings for the third: he is mainly driven by anger at his partner. In his understanding, the principle of “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” is quite true for love relationships.
The goal of people who take revenge on their halves with the help of infidelity is to give a proportional (in their understanding, of course!) response to the actions of those halves.
They can thus “give back” for the novel, but any other offense will push them to adultery. Oddly enough, but it’s not just about some real damage: sometimes partners take revenge for fictitious grievances. Or they just do it because, in their opinion, they “deserve better”.
Seriously and for a long time
Some have romances that last for months or even years. Of course, they get something from this relationship – and whatever it is, for some reason they are sure that you, their partner, will not be able to give it to them.
Why don’t those who have a “spare” family on the side for a long time leave? There are many reasons. This is the risk of paying large alimony, and religious beliefs (which, however, do not prevent them from changing). Many people think that in the event of a divorce, they will “lose” their children.
Some of them are sure that they can love two people at the same time. Someone does not believe that the side relationship generally poses some kind of threat to the main relationship. The issue is that we, their partners, may not agree with this.
On the other hand, many benefit from “not knowing” that their partner is leading a double life. If you’re not willing to risk privilege, you can live with this type of cheating partner for a very long time.
Victims of the situation
Unfortunately, sometimes our partners become victims of violence or the unscrupulous attitude of the third member of the triangle. It happens that they, with all their desire, cannot refuse sex. Perhaps they are frightened by something, they do not have the strength to resist. If they did not voluntarily consent to sex, they need support, not condemnation.
emotional infidelity
But treason is not determined by sex alone. It happens that our partners do not come into physical contact with someone else at all, preferring to stay at a distance. Feelings can quickly flare up and instantly fade away – or they can smolder for years, supporting the fire of emotional betrayal.
The one who occupies the thoughts and dreams of a loved one is slowly pushing you out of his future. It turns out that when a partner is near you, in fact, he is not near at all. And even if the romance unfolds on the Internet, in chat rooms or in an online game, without flowing into reality, it can cause absolutely real pain.
Of course, we cannot completely control the feelings, thoughts, and actions of another. But you can at least say at the beginning of the relationship what exactly you consider cheating. Is it possible for your spouse to chat with a colleague? Can you drive a friend home after a meeting? What will you do if you feel like you like someone else too much?
Sooner or later, almost everyone who is in a long-term relationship gets a chance to change. And to use it or not is a personal choice for everyone.