Children with Attention Deficit Disorder tend to put off all the unpleasant and boring things to the end, it is difficult for them to concentrate and control their impulses. How can parents help them?
Benefits of being distracted and impulsive
One of the most convenient explanations for attention deficit disorder (ADD) comes from psychotherapist and journalist Tom Hartmann. He became interested in the subject after his son was diagnosed with «minimal brain dysfunction,» as ADD was called in those days. According to Hartmann’s theory, people with ADD are «hunters» in a world of «farmers.»
What traits did a successful hunter in ancient times need to have? First, distractibility. If there was a rustle in the bushes that everyone else missed, he heard it perfectly. Second, impulsiveness. When there was a rustle in the bushes, while others were only thinking about whether to go and see what was there, the hunter took off without hesitation.
He was thrown forward by an impulse that suggested that there was good prey ahead.
Then, when humanity gradually moved from hunting and gathering to farming, other qualities needed for measured, monotonous work became in demand.
The hunter-farmer model is one of the best ways to explain the nature of ADD to children and their parents. This allows you to minimize the focus on the disorder and open up opportunities for working with the child’s inclinations to make it as easy as possible for him to exist in this farmer-oriented world.
Train the attention muscle
It is very important to teach children to clearly distinguish between the moments when they are present in the present moment and when they «fall out of reality» and their presence is only visible.
To help children exercise their attention muscle, you can play a game called Distraction Monster. Ask your child to focus on simple homework while you try to distract him with something.
Suppose the child begins to solve a problem in mathematics, and meanwhile the mother begins to think aloud: “What would I cook delicious today …” The child should try his best not to be distracted and not raise his head. If he copes with this task, he gets one point, if not, the mother gets one point.
Children like it when they have the opportunity to ignore the words of their parents.
And such a game, becoming more complicated over time, helps them learn to concentrate on the task, even when they really want to be distracted by something.
Another game that allows children to train their attention is to give them several commands at once, which they must follow, remembering their sequence. Commands cannot be repeated twice. For example: “Go out backwards into the yard, pick three blades of grass, put them in my left hand, and then sing a song.”
Start with simple tasks and then move on to more complex ones. Most kids love this game and it makes them understand what it means to use their attention 100%.
Cope with homework
This is often the hardest part of learning, and not just for kids with ADD. It is important that parents support the child, showing care and friendliness, explaining that they are on his side. You can teach to “wake up” your brain before class by lightly tapping your fingers all over your head or gently massaging your ears to help them focus by stimulating acupuncture points.
The ten-minute rule can help with work that the child does not want to start. You tell your child that they can do a task they don’t particularly want to do in as little as 10 minutes, even though it actually takes a lot longer. After 10 minutes, the child decides for himself whether he will continue to practice or stop there.
This is a good trick that helps both children and adults to do what they don’t want to do.
Another idea is to ask the child to complete a small part of the task, and then jump 10 times or walk around the house and only then continue with the activities. Such a break will help awaken the prefrontal cortex of the brain and activate the central nervous system. Thanks to this, the child will begin to show more attention to what he is doing, and will no longer perceive his work as hard labor.
We want the child to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and this can be achieved by breaking large tasks into small, manageable pieces. As we learn strategies to make life easier as a “hunter” in a world of “farmers,” we begin to understand more about how the brain of a child with ADD works and embrace their unique gift and contribution to our lives and our world.
About the Author: Susan Stiffelman is an educator, learning and parenting coach, family and marriage therapist, and author of How to Stop Fighting Your Child and Find Intimacy and Love.