In marriage, spouses often have to seek compromises in solving everyday issues and go towards each other in conflict situations in order to maintain harmony in the family. But is it worth doing this when the payment of the «marital debt» becomes violence against oneself?
O feusuaiga o se su'ega litmus o mafutaga, lea e mafai ona fa'aaoga e fa'amasino ai le fa'atuatuaga i le va o paaga, lo latou fetaui ma le mafai ona fa'alogo le tasi i le isi. Afai e tatau ona e laa i luga o oe lava i taimi uma e faʻamalieina ai lau paaga, o lau mafutaga o loʻo i se tulaga lamatia.
E faʻafefea ona iloa poʻo a faʻafitauli o loʻo i tua o le mumusu e fai feusuaʻiga? Ma faʻafefea ona faʻapipiʻi fesoʻotaʻiga ma se paaga ma oe lava?
O ai e tatau
Va'ai faalemafaufau pe o le a le mea e tupu pe a e teena lau tane i feusuaiga? O le a lana tali? Masalo o loʻo faʻamalosi malosi lau paaga i le mea e te manaʻo ai, ma o oe, ma le fefe ma le le iloa e leiloa lona fiafia, faia ni faʻasalaga?
E lē o se mea e masani ai ona faia faapea e tamaʻitaʻi pe afai e tatau ona latou maua le alofa o o latou mātua a o laʻitiiti pe oo foʻi i se tulaga faigatā e fesootaʻi ma le fefe i le maliu o sē e pele.
Think about where you got the idea that you are obliged to provide sex «at the request» of a partner?
A uma, pe a e faaipoipo, faʻapea foʻi ma le amataga o se mafutaga ma se tamaloa, o lau aia tatau i ou lava tuaoi faaletino e le faʻaumatia i soo se mea. Masalo o lenei talitonuga ua tuʻuina atu ia te oe e le sosaiete ma ua oʻo i le taimi e sui ai?
In itself, the expression «marital duty» looks manipulative, since the desires of one partner seem to have more weight than the desires of the second. Sex, like relationships, is a reciprocal process, where the desires of both partners should be taken into account equally.
E i ai se mea e pei o se aganuu o le malie, lea o le vavalalata e aunoa ma se tali lelei e taua o le vevesi. Afai e alofa moni lau paaga ia te oe ma faʻatauaina le mafutaga, o le a ia taumafai e faʻalogo i ou manaʻoga ma taumafai filemu e suʻe se fofo i le faafitauli ma oe. Ma e sili atu o le a le liliu ese mai ia te oe.
You need to listen to your body and put your desires in the first place — otherwise the reluctance to have sex or even aversion to this process can only intensify and harm not only your relationship, but also yourself.
E i ai le alofa ae leai se manao
Fa'apea o lo'o taumafai ma le fa'amaoni lau tama e su'e se fa'alatalata ia te oe, ae e te le mana'o e fai feusua'iga mo ni masina, e ui i lagona malolosi mo lau paaga. O feusuaiga o se manaʻoga faʻaletino o le tino, ina ia aua neʻi faʻaumatia mafutaga ona o le leai o se vavalalata, e aoga le faia o se talanoaga faʻamaoni ma oe lava.
O le tele o taimi, e sau fafine i togafitiga ma le faʻafitauli o le leai o se fiafia i le taimi o feusuaiga poʻo le le manaʻo foi e fai se vavalalata ma a latou paaga.
O le tele o tagata faʻatau e taʻutino e le mafai ona latou taliaina a latou feusuaiga ma tatala i se tamaloa
I le avea ai o se tulafono, e tupu lenei mea ona o le mea moni o le taimi o feusuaiga e maua ai e se fafine lagona o le maasiasi, tausalaina poʻo le fefe. Ma o na lagona e aliali mai i taimi o feusuaiga e te manaʻomia e galue ai.
Ina ia aʻoaʻo pe faʻapefea ona faʻaalia lou malosi faʻafeusuaiga ma fiafia i le vavalalata ma lau paaga, suʻesuʻe oe lava e ala i le faia o fesili nei:
- E faapefea ona e tausia oe lava, lou tino? E te alofa ia te oe lava pe e te lagona i taimi uma e te le lava, aulelei, ma tamaitai?
- Pe e te manatu muamua iā te oe lava ona sosoo ai lea ma isi? Po o le isi itu o lou olaga?
- E te fefe i le le fiafia i lau paaga ma le teenaina?
- E mafai ona e malolo?
- E te iloa le mea e te fiafia i ai e uiga i feusuaiga ma mea e le fetaui ma oe?
- E mafai ona e talanoa e uiga i ou manaʻoga i lau paaga?
All our knowledge about the outside world was once learned by us and adopted from other people. Conduct an objective review of your knowledge of intimate relationships and pleasure — now write down everything you know about sex:
- O le a se tala a ou tinamatua, tina, tama e uiga i feusuaiga?
- Na fa'apefea ona fa'alogoina lenei autu i lou aiga ma lou si'osi'omaga? Mo se faʻataʻitaʻiga, o feusuaiga e tiga, palapala, matautia, maasiasi.
A maeʻa ona suʻesuʻeina nei manatu, e mafai ona e amata suia ou uiga i feusuaiga. E na o mea tatou te iloa, e mafai ona tatou faasaʻoina i o tatou olaga. Tusi, lauga, vasega, galue ma se fomaʻi mafaufau, sexologist, faiaoga, ma faiga eseese e mafai ona fesoasoani i lenei mea. So'o se mea e fa'alogoina ai oe o le a fa'aoga lelei.