E faʻafefea ona faʻamalamalama saʻo le feʻau a le tagata faʻatalanoa ma faʻafeiloaʻi manuia lau oe lava? Faʻaaogaina le Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) metotia. O se tasi o tusitala o lenei metotia ma lana paaga o loʻo faʻamatalaina pe aisea tatou te le faʻalogo ai le tasi i le isi ma le auala e faʻaleleia ai.
Psychology: Aisea e faigata ai i nisi taimi ona tatou malamalama le tasi i le isi?
Ioane Grinder: Aua e masani ona tatou manatu o le fesoʻotaʻiga o le tautala ae galo ai le le tautala. I le taimi nei, i loʻu manatu, o fesoʻotaʻiga e le tautala e aʻafia ai mafutaga e sili atu nai lo se isi lava upu. O le matamata i le liliu o le ulu ma le suiga o le tulaga, gaioiga o mata ma le paolo o le leo, o nei "pas" uma a le tagata faʻafesoʻotaʻi, e mafai ona e "faʻalogo" sili atu ia te ia nai lo le naʻo le faʻalogo i mea na ia fai mai ai.
Carmen Bostic St. Clair: O se fa'ata'ita'iga lea mo oe. Afai ou te fai atu "E te matua aulelei" (i le taimi lava e tasi e lulu lona ulu), e te lagona le le mautonu, e te le iloa pe faapefea ona e tali atu. Auā ‘ua ‘ou ‘auina atu ‘iā te ‘outou ni fe‘au e lua e fa‘afeagai i lona uiga. O fea e te filifilia? O le ala lea e tupu ai le le malamalama i mafutaga.
Ma faʻafefea ona sili atu le lava, pe, e pei ona e fai mai, "faʻatasi", i fegalegaleaiga ma isi?
JG: There are several stages. The first is to understand exactly what we want to say. What do I expect from this conversation? We may have a specific goal, such as getting advice, signing a contract, or our intentions may be broader, such as maintaining a friendship. To be “congruent” is, first of all, to clarify one’s own intention. And only then bring your words, behavior, body movements in line with it.
Ma le laasaga lona lua?
JG: Be considerate to others. To what his words and especially his body express … So, if I say to you: “I want to talk to you” – and I see that your gaze slides up to the left, I understand that you have now “turned on” the visual mode, that is, you will use internal visual images1.
O feso'ota'iga le tautala e sili atu ona afaina ai mafutaga nai lo se isi lava upu.
To facilitate the exchange of information, I will take this into account and will choose my words so as to be with you in the territory that you unconsciously prefer, saying, for example: “See what happens? This appears to be the case. Am I being clear enough?” instead of saying, “Do you get my point? You catch everything on the fly!” – because it is already a kinesthetic language associated with the movements of the body. In addition, I will change the intonation and tempo of speech to accommodate your voice…
Ae o le togafiti lea!
JG: E i ai lava le fa'aogaina i feso'ota'iga. E na'o le fa'atupuina o le amio lelei ma le le fa'atatau. A e fesili mai ia te aʻu, e te faʻaogaina lau tautalaga e faʻatonu ai loʻu mafaufau i se mataupu ou te leʻi mafaufau i ai: o le faʻaogaina foi lea! Ae e manatu tagata uma e talia, e masani ona talia.
KS-K.: I se isi faaupuga, afai e te manaʻo e faʻaogaina se isi tagata, e mafai ona matou tuʻuina atu ia te oe meafaigaluega e fai ai. Ae afai e te manaʻo e fesoasoani i tagata ia malamalama ia te oe ma fesoasoani ia te oe ia malamalama ia i latou, e mafai foi ona matou faia lena mea: NLP e aʻoaʻo oe i le auala e te filifilia ai le auala e te faʻalogo ai i isi ma faʻaalia oe lava!
Communication will no longer burden you: you will clearly imagine what you want to express yourself, and what the other expresses – verbally and non-verbally, consciously and unconsciously. Then everyone will have a choice – to say: “Yes, I understand you, but I don’t want to talk like that” or, on the contrary: “I am closely following the course of your thought.”
Muamua fuafua lou lava fa'amoemoe. Ona aumai lea o upu, amio, tu i luga o le laina.
JG: O le gauai atu i le isi, i lana auala e faʻaalia ai o ia lava, ma le i ai o meafaigaluega e malamalama ai i ona uiga faʻafesoʻotaʻi, o le a e malamalama ai ua tulaʻi mai se fesoʻotaʻiga i le va o oe, o lona uiga o le avanoa o fesoʻotaʻiga atoatoa.
O e fai mai fa'afetai i le NLP, e tula'i mai lagona alofa?
JG: Po o le a lava le tulaga, ou te talitonu i lenei auala e mafai ai ona tatou faamanino atu i le le iloa e se isi tagata tatou te iloa ma talia lona "ala o mafaufauga". O lea la, i loʻu manatu, o se togafiti faʻaaloalo tele lea! Talu ai e le o oe o le taʻitaʻi, ae o le tagata mulimuli, e te fetuunai.
E foliga mai e tatau ona tatou nofouta i taimi uma pe faʻapefea ma pe aisea tatou te filifilia ai upu, mataʻituina lelei o tatou tu ma le leo?
JG: Ou te le manatu o fesootaiga e mafai ona e pulea atoatoa oe lava. O i latou e tauivi mo lenei mea e pisi tele ia i latou lava, ma e masani ona i ai ni faafitauli i mafutaga. Aua latou te mafaufau i le auala e le faia ai ni mea sese, ma galo e faʻalogo i le tagata faʻatalanoa. O aʻu, i le isi itu, vaʻai fesoʻotaʻiga o se taʻaloga ma NLP meafaigaluega o se auala e faʻafiafia atili ai!
E taua le iloa po o fea upu ma fasifuaitau tatou te faia soo nai lo isi: o mea ia e aafia ai mafutaga.
KS-K.: E le o le gauai atu i upu uma e te fai atu ai. E taua le iloa po o fea upu ma fasifuaitau tatou te faia soo nai lo isi: o mea ia e aafia ai mafutaga. Mo se faataitaiga, sa faaaoga e ou matua Italia le upu necessario (“manaomia”) i taimi uma. Ina ua matou siitia atu i le US ma amata ona tautala Igilisi, na latou faaliliuina o le "e tatau ona e", o se faaupuga sili atu ona malosi.
I adopted this speech habit from them: “you must do this”, “I must do that” … My life was a series of obligations that I demanded from others and from myself. That was until I tracked it down – thanks to John! – this habit and did not master other formulations instead of “should”: “I want”, “you can” …
JG: Seia oʻo ina tatou tuʻuina atu ia i tatou lava le faʻalavelave e iloa ai auala o fesoʻotaʻiga, o le a tatou faʻaauau, e ui lava io tatou faʻamoemoega lelei, laa i luga o le rake lava e tasi: o le a tatou lagona e le o faʻalogoina i tatou ma le malamalama.
E uiga i tagata atamamai
John Grinder – American author, linguist, who created, together with psychologist Richard Bandler, a method of neurolinguistic programming. This direction of practical psychology arose at the intersection of linguistics, systems theory, neurophysiology, anthropology, and philosophy. It is based on an analysis of the work of prominent psychotherapists Milton Erickson (hypnotherapy) and Fritz Perls (gestalt therapy).
Carmen Bostic St Clair – Doctor of Laws, has been collaborating with John Grinder since the 1980s. Together they conduct training seminars around the world, co-authored the book “Whisper in the Wind. New code in NLP” (Prime-Eurosign, 2007).
1 Afai e fa'asaga i luga le va'aiga a le tatou tagata fai, o lona uiga o lo'o ia fa'asino i ata va'aia; afai e fa'ase'e fa'alava, ona fa'avae lea o le fa'aaliga i leo, upu. O le tepa i lalo o se faailoga o le faalagolago i lagona ma lagona. Afai e alu le tilotilo i le agavale, o nei ata, leo poʻo lagona e fesoʻotaʻi ma manatuaga; afai i le itu taumatau, latou te le o faasino atu i le poto masani, ae ua faufau, faia e le mafaufau.