Mataupu
What happens to us when we change profession? And when we turn from a student into a sought-after specialist, become a mother or retire? What are hidden, unconscious role reversals and why are they dangerous? A psychologist talks about the role reversal crisis.
Throughout life, we change our roles several times. And sometimes we don’t even have time to realize that we have moved to a “new level”, which means it’s time to change our behavior, start acting differently. When our role changes, the requirements for our qualities, actions and life strategy also change. The old ways to achieve success, to receive bonuses from life, cease to work.
Hidden role reversals
Do not forget that in addition to explicit role changes, there are also hidden ones. For example, in business, this may be a transition from the role of an entrepreneur to the role of a manager running a company. These roles are the most difficult — they are dangerous because we do not always recognize their change in time. Only a series of mistakes helps to understand that the time has come to change the strategy of behavior.
“A role reversal crisis in our lives is no less painful than an existential crisis,” notes Marina Melia in her new book, The Method of Marina Melia. How to strengthen your strength” professor of psychology, coach Marina Melia, — “Any changes, even the most positive, joyful, desired ones, are always stressful. At a difficult moment of transition from one role to another, a person who has always succeeded in everything, successful and self-confident, often gives the impression of a helpless cabin boy who first appeared on a ship.
How to change role?
In a role reversal crisis, the most important thing is to recognize that we face new challenges. To solve these problems, we will probably do things that are unusual for ourselves and actualize other facets of our personality — not those that we relied on before.
Let’s take a closer look at the reversal of roles in our lives, determine the difficulties that we may encounter, and choose the best strategies for behavior. The psychologist-consultant Ilya Shabshin will help us with this.
1. New role: student
Role Difficulties: The first significant role reversal that can lead to a crisis occurs shortly after graduation. Many of the graduates become students and immediately face more difficult subjects than at school, with term papers and the first session. In the new team, competition and the struggle for “points” appear, which is not acceptable for every type of personality. At this time, self-doubt may develop, self-esteem may decrease. Friendship with classmates often stops, there is a feeling of loneliness.
Psychologist’s recommendations: During this period, it is important to overcome stress by adapting to new conditions: to the study load, unfamiliar environment, new requirements. Do not withdraw into yourself, but build relationships with other students, make new friends. Develop self-control, learn to complete and hand over study assignments on time. And, of course, learn skills that will be useful later in independent life.
2. New role: specialist
The complexities of the role: There comes a stage in life where the old ways to achieve success, get high marks may not work. When we graduate and get a job for the first time, we face a different level of responsibility, more serious consequences for our actions. Now it is important for us to build relationships of various types: with managers, subordinates, colleagues, partners, clients. We start earning money and learn to allocate the budget, we make the first mistakes. During this period, many of us think about creating a family, which also requires energy, additional resources.
Psychologist’s recommendations: Try to replace the settings, the rules of the study period with new, professional ones. Learn to maintain business relationships, resolve conflicts, defend your position. And remember that none of us is immune from mistakes. Moreover, by making mistakes, we move closer to our goal — the successful development of a new role. Learn to withstand the stress associated with criticism, overload. Improve your skills, gain knowledge and skills on your own, with the help of more experienced colleagues or by attending courses. Divide your time between work and other areas of your life.
3. New role: mom or dad
The complexities of the role: Parents are not born. The first thing you will face in the new role of mom or dad is the need to take care of a baby without having enough knowledge and skills. Most likely, you will not get enough sleep, you will not have enough time and energy to combine different roles: parental and marital. There will be new expenses.
Psychologist’s recommendations: Perhaps the best thing you can do for each other is to share responsibilities and care for the child together. This will help not to “leave” completely in caring for children, to find time for yourself and for an outlet to feed positive emotions. Gradually, you will learn to find reliable information, experience in communicating with a child will appear. Feel free to ask for help from relatives, friends, specialists — do not take on all the responsibilities associated with caring for the baby.
4. New role: pensioner
The complexities of the role: At this time, the usual way of our life is destroyed, the daily routine is changing. There may be a feeling of lack of demand and uselessness. The circle of communication narrows. Add to this financial constraints that reduce the standard of living, and you will understand why this new role so often leads people to a depressed mood and pessimism.
Psychologist’s recommendations: Try to find new interests and values. Maintain physical activity, monitor nutrition and health. Expand your social circle, meet those with whom you have common interests. Strive to communicate with children, grandchildren, other relatives. Think about what new hobbies might bring you and your partner together. Perhaps you dreamed of going on a hike or getting a dog when you were young, and now the time has appeared for this.