Mataupu
- Parents: When did you want to have a baby?
- Why do you choose an “artisanal” design?
- It is then five years before the birth of Solal …
- What are your links with the progenitor?
- Did you have to adopt Solal?
- How do other people regard your family?
- How do you cope with having become parents?
- What are your favorite moments with Solal?
- Never worry then?
Parents: When did you want to have a baby?
Maud: After a month of chatting on the internet, Clem and I meet and it’s love at first sight. We see each other on weekends, we live with our parents. In 2011, we took a studio. In 2013, a larger apartment. Our professional situations are stable (I am a secretary and Clem works in the printing house). We pacse, we start to think of a baby and to get information on the internet …
Why do you choose an “artisanal” design?
Openness to assisted reproduction for all, we have been talking about it since 2012 in France but, in concrete terms, you still have to go to Belgium or Spain to benefit from it! We didn’t want to take this step. It’s very medicalized. And you have to be away as soon as “the time is right”, find a gynecologist who makes the prescriptions here, have them translated… You also have to go through a psychological interview. And the deadlines are long. In short, from forums to associations, we preferred to focus on a voluntary donor in France.
It is then five years before the birth of Solal …
Yes, we didn’t really save time. However, we found the donor quite quickly. When you meet him, the current goes well. On the sire side, no worries. It is then that it thickens. It was decided that I would bear the child. But I have a miscarriage at one month pregnant. It upsets us and we need a year for the desire for children to return. But I’m diagnosed with endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome. In short, it’s complicated. Then Clem offers to carry the baby. At first, I have trouble with this idea, then I click, the “sacrifice” turns into “relief”. Clem, who has since come out as a trans man, gets pregnant on the second try.
What are your links with the progenitor?
We give him news of Solal from time to time. But he’s not a friend. We didn’t want co-parenting and he agreed with that principle. We didn’t want intimate contact with him either. At each test baby, he came to have coffee at home. The first time, it feels weird. Then it relaxed. He was doing what he had to do on his own. We had a small sterile pot to collect the sperm and a pipette for insemination. It wasn’t creepy at all.
Did you have to adopt Solal?
Yes, that was the only way to officially be his parent. I started the procedures during the pregnancy with a lawyer. Solal was 20 months old when the Paris court ordered the full adoption. You have to bring documents, go to the notary, prove that you are fit, that you know the child, all this in front of the police. Not to mention the months of legal vacuum when Clem was the only parent… What stress! Strongly that the law evolves.
How do other people regard your family?
Our parents were looking forward to having a baby. Our friends are thrilled for us. And in the maternity ward, the team was kind. The midwife involved me in the preparation for the birth and the birth of Solal. I almost “took it out” myself and put it on Clem’s stomach. For the rest, we are always afraid of the eyes of others before meeting them, but so far, we have never had a problem.
How do you cope with having become parents?
At first, it was difficult, especially since we lived in Paris. We took a part-time job six months each in turn. Our rhythm of life was turned upside down, plus the fatigue of the nights and the anxieties. But we quickly found the solution: go see friends, eat at a restaurant … Since then, we have found a good balance: we moved to a house with a garden, and we were lucky to have a place in a nursery with a great maternal assistant.
What are your favorite moments with Solal?
Clem loves to walk in the countryside on Sunday morning with Solal, while I cook small dishes! The three of us also like having dinner, telling stories, seeing Solal growing up with our two cats …
Never worry then?
Yes, of course ! There were small refluxes that had to be dealt with, mini-crises of frustration… But we adapt, we stay cool, it’s a virtuous circle. And our Insta account allows us to share our feelings and make friends.