Psychological problems are not always reflected in non-standard, deviant behavior. Very often, this is an internal struggle of “normal”-looking people, invisible to others, “tears invisible to the world”. Psychologist Karen Lovinger on why no one has the right to discount your psychological problems and the difficulties you face.
In my life, I have come across many articles about the problems that people with an “invisible” disease face — one that others consider “fake”, not worth attention. I also read about people whose problems are not taken seriously by friends, relatives and even professionals when they reveal their innermost, hidden thoughts to them.
I’m a psychologist and I have social anxiety disorder. I recently attended a major event that brought together mental health professionals: psychologists, psychiatrists, researchers, and educators. One of the speakers talked about a new method of therapy and during the presentation asked the audience how mental illness affects personality.
Someone answered that such a person faces problems in his personal life. Another suggested that mentally ill people suffer. Finally, one participant noted that such patients were unable to function normally in society. And none of the audience objected to him. Instead, everyone nodded their heads in agreement.
My heart was beating fast and fast. Partly because I didn’t know the audience, partly because of my anxiety disorder. And also because I got angry. None of the assembled professionals even attempted to challenge the claim that people with mental health problems are unable to function «normally» in society.
And this is the main reason that the problems of «high-functioning» people with mental problems are often not taken seriously. I can agonize inside myself, but still look quite normal and perform normal activities throughout the day. It is not difficult for me to guess what exactly other people expect from me, how I should behave.
«High-functioning» people don’t imitate normal behavior because they want to cheat, they want to remain part of society.
We all know how an emotionally stable, mentally normal person should behave, what an acceptable lifestyle should be. A “normal” person wakes up every day, puts himself in order, does the necessary things, eats on time and goes to bed.
To say that it is not easy for people experiencing psychological problems is to say nothing. It’s difficult, but still possible. For those around us, our disease becomes invisible, and they do not even suspect that we are suffering.
«High-functioning» people imitate normal behavior not because they want to deceive everyone, but because they want to remain part of society, to be included in it. They also do this in order to cope with their disease themselves. They don’t want others to take care of them.
Therefore, a high-functioning person needs a fair amount of courage to ask for help or tell others about their problems. These people work day after day to create their «normal» world, and the prospect of losing it is terrible for them. And when, after mustering all their courage and turning to professionals, they are faced with denial, misunderstanding and lack of empathy, it can be a real blow.
Social anxiety disorder helps me deeply understand this situation. My gift, my curse.
Thinking that people with mental health problems are not able to function «normally» in society is a monstrous mistake.
If a specialist does not take your problems seriously, I advise you to trust yourself more than someone else’s opinion. No one has the right to question or downplay your suffering. If a professional denies your problems, he questions his own competence.
Keep looking for a professional who is willing to listen to you and take your feelings seriously. I know how hard it is when you seek help from a psychologist, but they cannot provide it because they are unable to understand your problems.
Returning to the story about the event, I found the strength to speak out, despite the anxiety and fear of speaking in front of an unfamiliar audience. I explained that it was a terrible mistake to think that people with mental health problems were unable to function normally in society. As well as considering that functionality implies the absence of psychological problems.
The speaker did not find what to answer to my comment. He preferred to quickly agree with me and continued his presentation.
About the Author: Karen Lovinger is a psychologist and psychology writer.