It seems to us that there are not many good emotions. Who refuses to once again experience intense joy or agree to exchange a feeling of delight for a portion of anxiety or irritation? Meanwhile, positive emotions also have shadow sides. For example, their disproportionately high intensity. And the negative ones, on the contrary, are useful. We deal with the cognitive-behavioral psychologist Dmitry Frolov.
Many of us live with such an internal attitude: negative emotions cause discomfort, it would be good to avoid them if possible and strive to receive as many bright positive ones as possible. In fact, we need all emotions. Sadness, anxiety, shame, jealousy or envy make us and others understand what is happening to us and regulate our behavior. Without them, we would hardly understand what our life is like, whether everything is fine with us, what areas require attention.
There are a lot of shades of emotions and terms for their designation. In Rational Emotional Behavior Therapy (REBT), we distinguish 11 main ones: sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, resentment, envy, jealousy, disgust, anger, joy, love.
In fact, any terms can be used. The main thing is to understand what these emotions tell us.
Every emotion, whether positive or not, can be functional or dysfunctional.
Anxiety warns of danger. Anger is about breaking our rules. Resentment tells us that someone has treated us unfairly. Shame — that others may reject us. Guilt — that we harm ourselves or others, violated the moral code. Jealousy — that we may lose meaningful relationships. Envy — that someone has something that we do not have. Sadness communicates loss, and so on.
Each of these emotions, whether positive or not, can be functional and dysfunctional, or, more simply, healthy and unhealthy.
Learning to Distinguish Emotions
How to understand what emotion you are experiencing right now, healthy or not? The first and most obvious difference is that dysfunctional emotions get in the way of our lives. They are excessive (inadequate to the situation that caused them) and “unsettle” for a long time, cause too much anxiety. There are other options as well.
Unhealthy emotions:
- interfere with our goals and values,
- lead to too much suffering and demotivate,
- caused by irrational beliefs.
Functional emotions are easier to manage. Dysfunctional — according to the inner feeling — it is impossible. The person seems to “go into a rage” or “carry” him.
Suppose you are experiencing great joy because you have received what you have been wanting for a long time. Or something that you didn’t even dream about: you won the lottery, you were awarded a big bonus, your article was published in a significant scientific journal. In which case is this joy dysfunctional?
The first thing that attracts attention is the intensity. Of course, healthy emotions can also be quite intense. But when we see that the feeling captures us completely and for a long time, unsettles us, deprives us of the ability to realistically look at the world, it becomes dysfunctional.
I would say that such unhealthy joy (some would call it euphoria) is a state similar to mania in bipolar disorder. Its result is weakened control, underestimation of difficulties and risks, an uncritical view of oneself and others. In this state, a person often commits frivolous, impulsive acts.
Most often, negative emotions are dysfunctional. They often hide irrational beliefs
For example, someone who has fallen on a lot of money may spend it too quickly and thoughtlessly. And someone who has suddenly received recognition from the general public, experiencing unhealthy joy, may begin to overestimate his abilities, become less critical of himself and more arrogant in relation to others. He will not put in enough effort to prepare the next article well. And, most likely, this will prevent him from achieving his own goals — to become a real scientist, to write serious monographs.
Such a beautiful feeling as love can also be unhealthy. This happens when its object (person, thing or occupation) becomes the main thing in life, crowding out everything else. The person thinks: «I’ll die if I lose this» or «I must have this.» You can call this feeling obsession or passion. The term is not as important as the meaning: it greatly complicates life. His strength is inadequate to the situation.
Of course, negative emotions are most often dysfunctional. The child dropped the spoon, and the mother, in a fit of anger, began to shout at him. These unhealthy emotions often hide irrational beliefs. For example, the mother’s anger may be caused by the irrational belief that the child should be attentive to everything that surrounds him.
Another example. Unhealthy anxiety, which can be called panic or horror, is accompanied by beliefs like this: “It’s terrible if I get fired. I won’t take it. I’ll be a loser if that happens. World is not fair. This should not happen, because I worked so well. Healthy anxiety, which can rather be called anxiety, will be accompanied by such beliefs: “It’s bad that I can be fired. Very bad. But not terrible. There are worse things.»
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Each of us experiences unhealthy emotions, this is natural. Don’t berate yourself for them. But it is important to learn how to notice them and gently but effectively manage them. Of course, not all strong emotions require analysis. Those that flood in and immediately leave (provided that they are not repeated regularly) can hardly interfere with us.
But if you notice that your own mood is ruining your life, identify the emotion and ask yourself: “What is it that I am thinking about right now that can cause this emotion?” And you will discover a number of irrational beliefs, analyzing which you will make amazing discoveries, you will be able to deal with the problem and learn to control your thinking.
The skill of switching attention helps — turn on the music, take a walk, take a deep breath, go for a run
It can be difficult to do this procedure on your own. It is mastered, like any skill, gradually, under the guidance of a cognitive-behavioral therapist.
In addition to changing the content of thoughts, the practice of conscious observation of one’s experiences — mindfulness — helps to translate unhealthy emotions into healthy ones. The essence of the work is to move away from emotions and thoughts, to consider them from a distance, to observe them from the side, no matter how intense they are.
Also sometimes the skill of switching attention helps — turn on the music, take a walk, take a deep breath, go for a run or do a relaxation exercise. A change of activity can weaken the dysfunctional emotion, and it will disappear more quickly.