Many women, having experienced the abuse of a partner, swear to themselves that they will never meet such a man again for anything in the world … and after some time they realize that they again fell into the same trap. How to understand in advance that you have a tyrant in front of you?
Of course, no woman would want to be a victim of violence. And once in such a toxic relationship, it is far from immediately decided to admit it to himself. According to American statistics, for example, women only after 5-7 cases of violence decide to leave their partner, and someone does not dare at all. And many, after a while, again fall into the same trap. But it could have been avoided.
Here are the obvious danger signals that should immediately alert us, according to the memo of the American Women’s Center.
1. At the beginning of a relationship, he forces things. You have not yet had time to look back, and he already passionately assures: “No one has ever loved me like you!” and literally forces you to live together.
2. He is constantly jealous. He is a terrible owner, calls you endlessly or unexpectedly comes to you without warning.
3. E finagalo o ia e pulea mea uma. The partner persistently asks what you talked about with your friends, where you were, checks the mileage of your car, manages the general money, demands checks for purchases, wants to be asked permission to go somewhere or do something.
4. He has unrealistic expectations for you. He expects you to be perfect in everything and to satisfy his every whim.
5. We are in isolation. He wants to isolate you from friends and family, doesn’t let you use your phone or car, doesn’t let you look for work.
6. He blames others for his own mistakes. His boss, family, partner — anyone but him is to blame if something goes wrong.
7. Other people are responsible for his feelings. He says «You made me angry» instead of saying «I’m angry». “I wouldn’t be so angry if you didn’t…”
8. He is oversensitive. He is offended for any reason and arranges scenes because of the slightest injustices with which life is full.
9. He is cruel to animals and children. He mercilessly punishes or even kills animals. From children, he can demand that they are beyond their strength, or tease, bringing them to tears.
10. He enjoys playing violence in bed. For example, throw the partner backwards or hold her in place by force against her will. He is aroused by fantasies of rape. He forces you — by force or manipulation — to do something for which you are not ready.
11. He uses verbal violence. He constantly criticizes you or says something unpleasant: devalues you, scolds you, calls you names, recalls painful moments from your past or present, while assuring that you yourself are to blame for everything.
12. He is a proponent of rigid gender roles in relationships. You must serve him, obey him and stay at home.
13. His mood changes dramatically. Just now he was affectionate and loving — and suddenly he suddenly falls into a rage.
14. He used to use physical violence. He admits that in the past he raised his hand against a woman, but explains this by circumstances or assures that the victim herself brought him.
15. He threatens with violence. For example, he can say: “I’ll break your neck!”, But then he will assure that he didn’t say it seriously.
At a minimum, these signs indicate that your partner is prone to emotional abuse. But with a high probability, sooner or later it will develop into a physical one.