Mataupu
Just yesterday, he carried her in his arms and filled up with flowers, and she admired every phrase he uttered. And today they’re fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes after dinner. Psychologist Susan Degges-White shares five ways to deal with burnout in a marriage.
Have you ever fallen in love at first sight? We looked at the person and realized that this is the one, the only one, for life. At such moments, people begin to believe in fairy tales «they lived happily ever after.»
Unfortunately, the most passionate love cannot last forever. And if you do not work on relationships, after a while the partners will experience only longing and disappointment from unfulfilled hopes.
1. Try to perform some kind of “act of service” every day
You can get up ten minutes early and have tea or coffee ready by the time your partner wakes up. Or you can make your bed every morning instead of figuring out whose turn it is to clean up the bedroom. If you have a pet, you can take the morning walk with your pet.
Choose something that is easy for you to do every day, otherwise after a while you will begin to feel annoyed and demand that your partner admire your efforts every time.
2.Create your own special traditions and rituals
Traditions are part of a unique family culture that is essential for healthy long-term relationships. It could be a cup of coffee or a Saturday lunch. Even the routine duties of caring for a child or pet can be turned into a tradition. Taking your dog for a walk in the park every evening, bathing your baby, and telling a bedtime story can be enjoyable rituals rather than arguments.
3. Thank your partner once a week for what they do.
Even if you have a difficult period in a relationship, do not forget to tell your loved one that he is dear to you and you love him. Saying out loud praise and recognition, you not only make your partner happy, but also help yourself to maintain a positive attitude.
The brain is designed in such a way that it remembers negative events and comments better. It takes five positive phrases or events to eliminate the effect of one negative one.
Quarreled and said too much to each other? Think about the good things your partner has done and said lately. Remind yourself what traits you value most in your loved one. Now say it all out loud.
4. Try to please and entertain your partner every day
You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian or a virtuoso violinist to do this. You need to know what your partner likes and finds funny. Exchange jokes and funny pictures with your loved one throughout the day. And in the evening you can watch a comedy or an entertainment show together, go to a concert or a movie.
Try to share what is interesting to him, and not just to you. If you are touched by pictures with cats, and your beloved since childhood can not stand cats, you should not overwhelm him with images of these pets. If your partner prefers to spend their evenings playing chess online, don’t insist on watching figure skating competitions together.
5. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship
In the daily bustle, try to find at least a few minutes a day to be alone. Discuss what’s going on in your life, laugh at jokes. There are crises in relationships, this is normal. Remember that relationships need to be worked on, and then there is a chance to live together happily ever after.
About the Expert: Susan Degges-White is a professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University.