The cult of marriage in society turns into a lot of unhappy or broken marriages. Family law attorney Vicki Ziegler says it’s better to catch relationship problems before marriage than suffer later. Here are 17 questions she suggests answering if you’re in doubt before your wedding.
Getting married is not an easy decision. Perhaps you have been together for a long time, you love every part of your future husband, you have a lot in common, you like the same leisure. But despite all this, you doubt the right choice of partner or moment for the wedding. As a family lawyer, I can assure you that you are not alone.
I work with couples who are already in divorce or are trying to save their families. The more I communicate with them, the more often I hear that one or both partners experienced panic before marriage.
Some were worried that the wedding day would not be as perfect as they imagined. Others doubted whether their feelings were strong enough. In any case, their fears were real and justified.
Perhaps fear is a sign of a larger and deeper problem.
Of course, not everyone is insecure before the upcoming wedding. But if you are faced with doubts and worries, it is important to take a step back and think. Analyze why you feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps fear is a sign of a larger and deeper problem. The 17 questions listed below will help you figure this out. Answer them before you say yes.
For a marriage to be happy, efforts are needed on the part of both partners. Keep this in mind when answering questions. Use a two-pronged approach: first ask these questions to yourself, and then let your partner do the same.
Give each other time to read the questions carefully and answer them honestly. Then discuss and compare your results. Our goal is to initiate a dialogue about how you can strengthen relationships and build a happy marriage for years to come.
Let’s get to the questions:
1. Why do you love your partner?
2. Why do you think he loves you?
3. How strong is your relationship now?
4. How often do you have quarrels and conflicts?
5. How do you resolve these conflicts?
6. Have you been able to resolve old relationship issues so you can move on and build a strong alliance?
7. Do you experience any type of abuse in your relationship: physical, emotional, psychological? If yes, how do you deal with it?
8. After quarrels, does it seem to you that your partner does not know how to control himself?
9. How do you show your partner that they matter most to you?
10. How often do you talk heart to heart? Is that enough for you?
11. How would you rate the quality of your conversations on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?
12. What have you done to strengthen the relationship this week? What did your partner do?
13. What traits attracted you to a partner from the very beginning?
14. What needs are you trying to fulfill in a relationship? Does your partner help satisfy them?
15. What problems from the past do you need to solve so that the current relationship does not suffer?
16. How do you think your partner needs to change in order to improve the relationship?
17. What qualities do you lack in your partner?
Take this exercise seriously. Keep in mind the main goal — to build relationships on mutual trust and respect. Sincere answers will clear your doubts. On your wedding day, you will only worry about the taste of the wedding cake.
But if you still have doubts, you need to understand yourself. Calling off a wedding is much easier than living in an unhappy marriage or getting a divorce.
About the Author: Vicki Ziegler is a family law attorney and author of Plan Before You Marry: The Complete Legal Guide to the Perfect Marriage.