Seʻi o tatou talanoa: o aogā o le fesootaʻi ma tagata ese

Ou te iloa ou te lamatia le leiloa o loʻu tagatanuu Peretania pe a ou fai atu ou te faamemelo i le gaioiga a le American Jonathan Dunn, o le na amataina le Let's Talk? E te iloa le auala na ia tali atu ai i uiga tetee o le au Lonetona i lana galuega? Na ou okaina faalua le tele o pine, faafaigaluega volenitia ma toe faanatinati atu i le taua.

Aua e te faaseseina aʻu: i le avea ai o se tagata Peretania, o le mea muamua na ou manatu o i latou e ofo atu e talanoa atili ma tagata i fafo e tatau ona falepuipui e aunoa ma se faamasinoga. Ae afai e te mafaufau i ai, o se uiga ese lava. I le faaiuga, o le gaioiga e le faʻamalosia ai talanoaga e le manaʻomia: afai e te le o sauni e faʻafesoʻotaʻi, aua le faia se pine. O le mea moni, o faʻamatalaga uma e oʻo mai i lenei finauga: e tiga tele mo i tatou le vaʻavaʻai pe faʻafefea ona taumafai isi pasese, faʻafefeteina, taumafai e amata se talanoaga.

Ae afai tatou te matuā fefefe i le vaai atu i tagata o loo lotomalilie e auai i se talanoaga masani i nofoaga faitele, atonu e leai ni o latou faafitauli?

Because the truth, judging by the results of the research of the American teacher and communication specialist Keo Stark, is that we actually become happier when we talk to strangers, even if we are sure in advance that we cannot bear it. This topic can be easily brought to the problem of violation of boundaries, impudent street harassment, but Keo Stark immediately makes it clear that this is not about an aggressive invasion of personal space — she does not approve of such actions.

I lana tusi When Strangers Meet, na ia taʻua ai o le auala sili e feagai ai ma ituaiga le fiafia ma le ita o fegalegaleaiga i le va o tagata ese, o le faʻamalosia ma le atinaʻeina o se aganuu o mafutaga e faʻavae i luga o le lagona ma le tiga alofa. O le teenaina o le manatu o le fesoʻotaʻiga ma tagata ese e sili atu ona pei o le tuʻuina atu i boors. Fegalegaleaiga ma tagata ese (i lo latou tulaga saʻo, faʻamalamalama Keo Stark) e faʻaalia e avea ma "matagofie ma faʻafuaseʻi tuʻuga i le masani, vaʻaia sologa o le olaga ... faʻafuaseʻi ona i ai ni au fesili e te manatu ua e iloa tali i."

I le faaopoopo atu i le fefe i le faʻaleagaina, o le manatu o le auai i na talanoaga e liliuese ai i tatou, atonu ona o loʻo natia ai ni faʻafitauli masani se lua e taofia ai i tatou mai le fiafia.

Muamua o le tatou leaga i le "affective forecasting", o lona uiga, e le mafai ona tatou vaʻai po o le a le mea o le a tatou fiafia ai, "pe aoga le taʻaloga i le moligao". Ina ua fesili tagata suʻesuʻe i volenitia e mafaufau o loʻo latou talanoa ma tagata ese i luga o se nofoaafi poʻo se pasi, sa tele lava ina latou fefefe. Ina ua talosagaina e fai i le olaga moni, sa sili atu ona latou fai mai sa latou fiafia i le malaga.

Another problem is the phenomenon of «pluralistic (multiple) ignorance», due to which we follow some rule, although it does not suit us, because we believe that others approve of it. Meanwhile, the rest think in exactly the same way (in other words, no one believes, but everyone thinks that everyone believes). And it turns out that all the passengers in the car remain silent, although in fact some would not mind talking.

Ou te le manatu o le a faamalieina tagata masalosalo i nei finauga uma. O aʻu lava ia na tau le talitonu ia i latou, ma o lea o aʻu taumafaiga mulimuli e fesoʻotaʻi ma tagata ese e leʻi manuia tele. Ae mafaufau pea e uiga i faʻamatalaga faʻapitoa: o suʻesuʻega e faʻaalia ai e le mafai ona faʻatuatuaina a tatou lava vaʻaiga. E te mautinoa la e te le ofuina lava le Let's Talk? Atonu ua na o se faailoga lea o le a aoga.

Punavai: Le Leoleo.

E uiga i le Tusitala: Oliver Burkeman o se faʻasalalauga Peretania ma le tusitala o The Antidote. O se vaifofo mo se olaga le fiafia” (Eksmo, 2014).