Mataupu
Obsessive, noisy, aggressive… Ill-mannered people greatly darken our lives. Is it possible to protect yourself from them, and even better — to prevent rudeness?
“A couple of days ago I was driving with my daughter,” says 36-year-old Laura. — At the traffic lights, I hesitated for just a couple of seconds. Immediately behind me, someone began to honk like crazy, then a car pressed close to me, and the driver cursed me in such a way that I can’t even try to reproduce it. Daughter, of course, immediately in tears. For the rest of the day, I felt depressed, humiliated, a victim of injustice.”
Here is just one of the many stories of common rudeness that we face every day. So ordinary, in fact, that writer Pier Massimo Forni, assistant professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University, decided to write a self-defense manual: “The Civilian Decision: What to do when people are rude to you.” Here’s what he recommends.
I le amataga o le le mafaufau
Ina ia tetee atu i le faʻaleagaina ma le faʻaleagaina, e tatau ona e malamalama ia latou mafuaʻaga, ma mo lenei mea, taumafai ia e iloa lelei le tagata solitulafono.
A rude person dignifies those around him with a fleeting, superficial glance, ignores everyone
In other words, he is not able to overcome his desires and interests in favor of others, obsessing over the merits of his own «I» and defending them «with a saber unsheathed.»
Fuafuaga a Hama
By behaving rudely, a person is actually trying to defend himself. He is not confident in himself, afraid to show what he takes for his shortcomings, getting on the defensive and attacking others.
Such a lack of self-confidence may be due to various reasons: too strict parents, teachers who made him feel «flawed», classmates who mocked him.
Whatever the reason, the insecure person tries to compensate for it by establishing a particular form of control and dominance over others in order to achieve a material or psychological advantage.
This helps him alleviate the feeling of inferiority that torments him on an unconscious level.
At the same time, he does not realize that this type of behavior, on the contrary, weakens social ties and makes him only more unhappy.
O le auupega autu o le faaaloalo
The most successful strategy is to help the boor live better by treating him so that he can finally be at ease. This will allow him to feel accepted, appreciated, understood and, therefore, relax.
A smile causes a smile, and a friendly attitude — reciprocal politeness. An open mind and a sincere interest in other people’s problems can work wonders.
If the rude person insists on his own, let’s not forget that rudeness primarily harms the one from whom it comes.
Auala e tali atu ai i le le mafaufau
Manava loloto.
Remind yourself that the rude person is acting this way because of their problems, and establish an emotional distance.
Decide what to do. For example…
I le faleoloa
The consultant is on the phone and does not pay attention to you. Address him with the words: «Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that you saw me, otherwise I’ve been standing here for 10 minutes.»
If the situation does not change: «Thank you, I’ll ask someone else», hinting that you are going to the administrator or to another seller, thereby causing him to compete.
I le laulau
O lo'o tou fai 'aiga o le afiafi ma uo. O telefoni feaveai o loʻo tatagi pea, o lau kamupani o loʻo tali mai telefoni, lea e te matua faʻalavelave ai. Faamanatu i au uo lou fiafia e vaai ia i latou ma le faanoanoa ona ua motusia le talanoaga i taimi uma.
Faatasi ai ma tamaiti
O loʻo e talanoa ma se uo, ae faʻalavelave lau tama i taimi uma ma toso le palanikeke i luga o ia.
Gently but firmly take his hand, look into his eyes and say: “I’m talking. Is it so important that you can’t wait? If not, you should find something to do. The more you interrupt us, the more you’ll have to wait.»
Taofi pea lona lima seia fai mai ua ia malamalama ia te oe. Fai atu lemu ia te ia e faatoese i le malo.
I le ofisa
O lo'o tu lata mai lau uo faigaluega ma e pisapisao tele, tusa lava po'o le a le mea e fa'alavelaveina oe mai le galuega.
Fai atu, “Faamalie atu, a e tautala leotele i luga o le telefoni, e le mafai ona ou mafaufau. Afai e te tautala filemu teisi, o le a e faia se mea sili mo aʻu."