E le mafai ona tatou fiafia i taimi uma… ma e lelei!

In the 1990s, psychologist Martin Seligman spearheaded a new branch of science, positive psychology, which placed the phenomenon of happiness at the center of research. This movement picked up ideas from humanistic psychology, which, since the late 1950s, has emphasized the importance of everyone realizing their potential and creating their own meaning in life.

Since then, thousands of studies have been carried out and hundreds of books have been published with explanations and tips on how to achieve personal well-being. Have we just become happier? Why do surveys show that our subjective satisfaction with life has remained unchanged for more than 40 years?

What if all efforts to achieve happiness are just a futile attempt to swim against the current, because we are actually programmed to remain unhappy most of the time?

Can’t get everything

Part of the problem is that happiness is not a single entity. Poet and philosopher Jennifer Hecht suggests in The Happiness Myth that we all experience different kinds of happiness, but they don’t necessarily complement each other. Some types of happiness may even conflict.

In other words, if we are very happy in one thing, it deprives us of the opportunity to experience complete happiness in something else, a third … It is impossible to get all types of happiness at once, especially in large quantities.

Imagine, for example, a completely satisfying, harmonious life, based on a successful career and a good marriage. This is the happiness that is revealed over a long period of time, it does not become clear immediately. It requires a lot of work and the rejection of some momentary pleasures, such as frequent parties or spontaneous travel. It also means that you can’t spend too much time hanging out with friends.

But on the other hand, if you become too obsessed with your career, all other pleasures in life will be forgotten. If the level of happiness rises in one area, then it inevitably decreases in another.

A rosy past and a future full of possibilities

This dilemma is compounded by how the brain processes feelings of happiness. A simple example. Remember how often we start a sentence with the phrase: “It would be great if … (I will go to college, find a good job, get married, etc.).” Older people start a sentence with a slightly different phrase: “Really, it was great when…”

Think about how rarely we talk about the present moment: “It’s great that right now…” Of course, the past and future are not always better than the present, but we continue to think so.

These beliefs block the part of the mind that is occupied with thoughts of happiness. All religions are built from them. Whether we are talking about Eden (when everything was so great!) or the promised inconceivable happiness in paradise, Valhalla or Vaikuntha, eternal happiness is always a carrot hanging from a magic wand.

Why does the brain work the way it does? Most are overly optimistic — we tend to think that the future will be better than the present.

To demonstrate this feature to students, I tell them at the beginning of the new semester what the average score my students have received over the past three years. And then I ask them to anonymously report what grade they themselves expect to receive. The result is the same: expected grades are always much higher than what any particular student could expect. We strongly believe in the best.

Cognitive psychologists have identified a phenomenon they call the Pollyanna principle. The term is borrowed from the title of a book by the American children’s writer Eleanor Porter «Pollyanna», published in 1913.

The essence of this principle is that we reproduce and remember pleasant information from the past better than unpleasant information. The exception is people who are prone to depression: they usually dwell on past failures and disappointments. But most focus on the good things and quickly forget everyday troubles. That’s why the good old days seem so good.

Self-deception as an evolutionary advantage?

These illusions about the past and the future help the psyche to solve an important adaptive task: such innocent self-deception actually allows you to stay focused on the future. If the past is great, then the future can be even better, and then it’s worth making an effort, working a little more and getting out of the unpleasant (or, let’s say, mundane) present.

All this explains the transience of happiness. Emotion researchers have long known what is called the hedonic treadmill. We work hard to achieve a goal and look forward to the happiness it will bring. But, alas, after a short-term solution to the problem, we quickly slide back to the initial level of (dis)satisfaction with our usual existence, in order to then chase a new dream, which — now for sure — will make us happy.

My students get pissed off when I talk about it. They lose their temper when I hint that in 20 years they will be about as happy as they are now. In the next class, they may be encouraged by the fact that in the future they will remember with nostalgia how happy they were in college.

Either way, research on big lottery winners and other high-flyers—those who now seem to have everything—is periodically sobering as a cold shower. They dispel the misconception that we, having received what we want, can really change lives and become happier.

These studies have shown that any significant event, whether happy (winning a million dollars) or sad (health problems resulting from an accident), does not significantly affect long-term life satisfaction.

A senior lecturer who dreams of becoming a professor and lawyers who dream of becoming business partners often find themselves wondering where they were in such a hurry.

After writing and publishing the book, I felt devastated: I was depressed by how quickly my joyful mood “I wrote a book!” changed to the depressing «I only wrote one book.»

But that’s the way it should be, at least from an evolutionary standpoint. Dissatisfaction with the present and dreams of the future are what keep you motivated to move forward. While warm memories of the past convince us that the sensations we are looking for are available to us, we have already experienced them.

In fact, boundless and unending happiness could completely undermine our will to act, achieve and complete anything. I believe that those of our ancestors who were completely satisfied with everything were quickly surpassed by their relatives in everything.

It doesn’t bother me, quite the contrary. The realization that happiness exists, but appears in life as an ideal guest who never abuses hospitality, helps to appreciate his short-term visits even more. And the understanding that it is impossible to experience happiness in everything and at once, allows you to enjoy those areas of life that it has touched.

There is no one who would receive everything at once. By admitting this, you will get rid of the feeling that, as psychologists have long known, greatly interferes with happiness — envy.

About the author: Frank McAndrew is a social psychologist and Professor of Psychology at Knox College, USA.