We all get angry, angry and angry sometimes. Some more often, some less. Some vent their anger at others, while others keep it to themselves. Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg gives 10 tips on how to properly respond to manifestations of anger and hostility.
We all dream of living in peace and harmony with others, but almost every day we become victims or witnesses of aggression. We quarrel with spouses and children, listen to angry tirades of bosses and indignant cries of neighbors, encounter rude people in the store and public transport.
It is impossible to avoid aggression in the modern world, but you can learn to deal with it with less losses.
1. If someone takes anger out on you in person or over the phone, don’t try to stop them. As a rule, a person calms down himself. The stock of words and emotions dries up if they are not fed. It is stupid and useless to shake the air if no one reacts to it.
2. This tip is similar to the previous one: silently listen to the aggressor, you can nod your head from time to time, depicting attention and participation. Such behavior is likely to disappoint the one who is trying to provoke a quarrel, and he will go to a scandal elsewhere.
3. Ia faaalia le tigā alofa. You will say that this is stupid and illogical: he yells at you, and you sympathize with him. But it is paradoxical reactions that will help to pacify the one who is trying to provoke retaliatory aggression.
Tell him, “It must be really hard for you” or “Oh, this is really terrible and outrageous!”. But be careful. Don’t say, «I’m sorry you feel this way.» Do not express personal attitude to what is happening and do not apologize. This will only add fuel to the fire, and the rude will continue his speech with great enthusiasm.
Ask the aggressor a question to which he most likely knows the answer. Even the most unrestrained person will not refuse to show awareness
4. Change the subject. Ask the aggressor a question to which he most likely knows the answer. Even the most unrestrained person will not refuse to demonstrate his awareness. If you don’t know what he’s good at, ask a neutral or personal question. Everyone loves to talk about themselves.
5. If the person is furious and you don’t feel safe, make a case and leave. He, most likely, will shut up out of surprise, change his tone, or go in search of new listeners.
6. You can say that you had a hard day and you cannot help the interlocutor cope with his problems, you don’t have the emotional resources for it. Such a statement will turn the situation 180 degrees. Now you are an unfortunate victim who complains to the interlocutor about life. And after that, how can you continue to pour out anger on you?
7. If you care about the aggressor, you can try to evaluate the feelings that he wants to express. But this must be done sincerely. You can say: “I see you are just furious” or “I have no idea how you are coping!”.
Do not let us impose an aggressive manner of communication on ourselves, dictate your own style
8. Redirect the aggressor to another «performance area». Offer to discuss the problem over the phone or in a letter. With one blow, you will kill two birds with one stone: get rid of communication with the source of aggression and show him that there are other ways to express feelings.
9. Ask to speak more slowly, referring to the fact that you do not have time to realize what was said. When a person is angry, he usually speaks very quickly. When, at your request, he begins to pronounce the words slowly and clearly, the anger passes.
10. Become an example for others. Speak calmly and slowly, even if the interlocutor shouts insulting words loudly and quickly. Do not let yourself be forced into an aggressive manner of communication. Dictate your style.
These ten tips are not suitable for all cases: if a person constantly behaves aggressively, it is better to stop communicating with him.