How school years affect adult life? The psychologist reflects on what from adolescence experience helps us develop leadership skills.
E masani ona ou fai atu i aʻu tagata faʻatau e talanoa e uiga ia latou tausaga aʻoga. O nei manatuaga e fesoasoani e aʻoaʻo ai le tele o mea e uiga i le tagata faʻatalanoa i se taimi puupuu. A uma mea uma, o la tatou auala e iloa ai le lalolagi ma gaioiga e faia i le 7-16 tausaga. O le a le vaega o o tatou aafiaga faaletalavou e sili ona malosi ona aafia ai o tatou uiga? E faapefea ona atiina ae uiga faaletaitai? Seʻi o tatou vaʻavaʻai i nai vaega taua e aʻafia ai lo latou atinaʻe:
malaga
O le mana'o mo ni mea fou e fa'atupuina malosi i se tamaititi i lalo ole 15 tausaga le matua. Afai e oʻo atu i lenei tausaga e leai se fiafia i le aʻoaʻoina o mea fou, ona i ai lea i le lumanaʻi o le a tumau pea le le mautonu o le tagata, le mautonu, vaapiapi.
E atiina ae e matua le fia iloa o se tamaitiiti. Ae o le poto masani i le aoga e taua tele foi: malaga, savaliga sopo, asiasiga i falemataaga, fale tifaga. Mo le toatele oi tatou, o nei mea uma na foliga mai e taua tele. O le sili atu ona manino o lagona o se tagata i tausaga aʻoga, o le lautele foʻi lea o ona vaʻai ma sili atu ona fetuutuunai lona mafaufau. O lona uiga e faigofie mo ia ona faia ni faaiuga e le masani ai. O le uiga lea e faatāuaina e taʻitaʻi o aso nei.
Galuega lautele
O le toʻatele, pe a talanoa e uiga ia latou tausaga aʻoga, faʻamamafa a latou agafesootai: "O aʻu o le ulu", "O aʻu o se paionia toaga", "O aʻu o le taʻitaʻifono o le au". Latou te talitonu o le galue malosi i nuu ma alalafaga o se faʻailoga lea o le taʻitaʻiga ma uiga lelei. Ae o lenei talitonuga e le moni i taimi uma.
E malosi atu le ta'ita'iga moni i tulaga fa'alilolilo, i fafo atu o le a'oga. O le ta'ita'i moni o se tasi na te fa'apotopoto aumea i taimi fa'alilolilo, pe o ni galuega aoga po'o ni fa'auiga.
But the headman is most often appointed by teachers, focusing on those who are most manageable. If children participate in the elections, then their criterion is simple: let’s decide on whom it is easiest to blame. Of course, there are exceptions here too.
tāʻaloga
Most people in leadership positions were seriously involved in sports during their school years. It turns out that playing sports in childhood is almost a mandatory attribute of future success. No wonder: sport teaches a child discipline, endurance, the ability to endure, «take a punch», compete, cooperate.
E le gata i lea, o le taʻalo i taʻaloga e fuafua ai e le tamaititi lona taimi, ia lelei i taimi uma, tuʻufaʻatasia suʻesuʻega, meaaoga, fesoʻotaʻiga ma uo ma aʻoaʻoga.
Ou te iloa lenei mea mai lou lava aafiaga. Ou te manatua le taimi lava ina ua uma lesona, fia'ai, fa'afefeteina, sa ou faanatinati atu i le aoga musika. Ona, foloina lea o se apu i luga o le alu, sa ia faanatinati atu i le isi pito o Moscow i le vaega fanafana. Ina ua ou taunuu i le fale, sa fai au meaaoga. Ma faatolu i le vaiaso. Mo ni nai tausaga. Ma a uma mea uma, sa i ai mea uma i le taimi ma e leʻi faitio. Sa ou faitau tusi i le metro ma savavali ma aʻu uo teine i le fanua. I se tulaga lautele, sa ou fiafia.
Sootaga ma faiaoga
O le pule a le faiaoga e taua mo tamaiti uma. O le numera lona lua lea e sili ona taua pe a uma matua. O le auala e atiaʻe ai e se tamaitiiti se faiā ma se faiaʻoga e taʻu mai ai le tele o mea e uiga i lona tomai e usiusitai i le pule ma puipuia lona lava manatu.
A reasonable balance of these skills in the future helps a person to become an enterprising, reliable, principled and determined employee.
Such people are able not only to agree with the leadership, but also to argue with it when the interests of the case require it.
One of my clients said that in middle school he was afraid to express any opinion that did not coincide with the teacher’s, and preferred to take a «compromising» position. One day he went to the teacher’s room for a class magazine. The bell rang, the lessons were already going on, the chemistry teacher sat alone in the teacher’s room and cried. This random scene shocked him. He realized that the strict «chemist» is just the same ordinary person, suffering, crying and sometimes even helpless.
This case turned out to be decisive: since then, the young man has ceased to be afraid to argue with his elders. When another important person inspired him with awe, he immediately remembered the crying «chemist» and boldly entered into any difficult negotiations. No authority was no longer unshakable for him.
Fouvale i tagata matutua
The rebellion of teenagers against the «senior» is a natural stage of growing up. After the so-called «positive symbiosis», when the child «belongs» to the parents, listens to their opinion and follows the advice, the teenager enters the period of «negative symbiosis». This is a time of struggle, the search for new meanings, one’s own values, views, choices.
I le tele o tulaga, o se talavou e pasia lenei laasaga o le atinaʻe: na te mauaina le poto masani o le tetee atu i le malosi o toeaina, manumalo i le aia tatau i faamasinoga tutoatasi, faaiuga ma gaioiga. Ma sa ia agai atu i le isi laasaga o le "autonomy": faauuga mai le aoga, o le vavaeeseina moni mai le aiga matua.
But it happens that a teenager, and then an adult, internally “gets stuck” at the stage of rebellion
Such an adult, in certain life situations that trigger his «teenage beginning», becomes intolerant, impulsive, categorical, unable to control his feelings and be guided by reason. And then rebellion becomes his preferred way of proving to his elders (for example, management) his significance, strength, abilities.
I know of several striking cases when seemingly adequate and professional people, having got a job, after a while began to solve all problems through conflicts, rebellion, and an active rebuff to all instructions from their superiors. It ends in tears — either they “slam the door” and leave on their own, or they are fired with a scandal.