"O le mafuaaga o le popole o matua atonu o le le lava o le malamalama i le natura o tamaiti"

Psychology: I lou aafiaga, o a ni popolega sese e uiga i se tamaitiiti o loo i ai i matua?

Tatiana Bednik: For example, someone in the family had a child with autism. And it seems to parents that their child makes the same gestures, walks on tiptoe in the same way — that is, they cling to external, completely insignificant signs and begin to worry. It happens that mother and child do not match in temperament: she is calm, melancholic, and he is very mobile, active. And it seems to her that something is wrong with him. Someone is worried that the child is fighting over toys, although for his age this behavior is completely normal, and parents are afraid that he is growing up aggressive.

Po ua tatou naunau ea e fai se tamaitiiti e pei o se tagata matua?

T. B.: Ioe, e masani lava o faʻafitauli e fesoʻotaʻi ma le leai o se malamalama i le mea o loʻo i ai se tamaititi, o a foliga o se tausaga faʻapitoa, o le a le tele e mafai e se tamaititi ona faʻatonutonu ona lagona ma amio i le auala tatou te mananaʻo ai. O le taimi nei e matua taulaʻi matua i le amataga o le atinaʻe ma e masani ona faitio: naʻo le manaʻomia o le tamoe, e le mafai ona e faʻanofo i lalo e faʻalogologo i tala faʻasolopito, pe: o se tamaititi i se vaega atinaʻe e le manaʻo e nofo i le laulau ma fai. se mea, ae savali faataamilo i le potu. Ma e tusa lea ma se tamaititi e 2-3 tausaga le matua. E ui lava e oo lava i le 4-5-tausaga le matua e faigata ona nofo filemu.

O le isi faitioga masani o se tamaititi e ulavale, e oso aʻe le ita, e mafatia i le fefe. Ae i lenei tausaga, o le cerebral cortex, lea e nafa ma le pulea, e leʻi atiina ae, e le mafai ona ia taulimaina ona lagona. E na o se taimi mulimuli ane o le a ia aʻoaʻoina ai e vaai i le tulaga mai fafo.

Pe o le a tupu na o ia? Po o se vaega e faalagolago i matua?

T. B.: It is very important that parents understand and feel sorry for him! But most often they say to him: “Shut up! Stop it! Go to your room and don’t come out until you calm down!» The poor child is already so upset, and he is also expelled!

Or another typical situation: in the sandbox, a 2-3-year-old child takes away a toy from another — and adults begin to shame him, scold him: “Shame on you, this is not your car, this is Petina, give it to him!” But he just doesn’t understand yet what is “mine” and what is “foreign”, why reproach him? The formation of the child’s brain is very dependent on the environment, on the relationships that he develops with loved ones.

O nisi taimi e fefefe matua ona na latou malamalama muamua i le tamaititi, ona taofi lea ...

T. B.: Yes, it can be difficult for them to rebuild and understand that it is changing. While the child is small, the mother can behave with him very reasonably and correctly, she insures him and allows him to take the initiative. But now he has grown up — and his mother is not ready to take a step further and give him more independence, she still behaves with him in the same way as she did with the little one. Especially often misunderstanding occurs when the child becomes a teenager. He already considers himself an adult, and his parents cannot accept this.

O tausaga taʻitasi e iai a latou lava galuega, o ana lava sini, ma o le mamao i le va o le tamaititi ma matua e tatau ona faʻateleina ma faʻateleina, ae le o tagata matutua uma e sauni mo lenei mea.

E mafai faapefea ona tatou aoao ia malamalama i se tamaitiiti?

T. B.: It is important that the mother, from the earliest age of the child, looks at him, reacts to his slightest changes, sees what he feels: tense, scared … She learns to read the signals that the child sends, and he — her. It is always a mutual process. Sometimes parents do not understand: what to talk about with a child who still cannot speak? In fact, communicating with the child, we form these connections with him, this is mutual understanding.

Ae o loo tatou misia lava se mea. E mafai faapefea e matua ona taulimaina le tausalaina?

TB: It seems to me that everything is simple. We are all imperfect, we are all «some» and, accordingly, raise «some» and not ideal children. If we avoid one mistake, we will make another. If a parent eventually sees clearly and sees what he made a mistake, he may think about what to do with it, how to move on now, how to act differently. In this case, the feeling of guilt makes us wiser and more human, allows us to develop.